Page 18 of A Reputation Dark & Deadly
Chapter 5
The weekend couldn't come fastenough. Peyton had been invited to a party Friday night from one of her friends at a frat house. Typically, Peyton avoided parties like the plague. She had no interest in boozing it up with college kids going through their initiation rights as a full-fleshed adult on their own for the first time. She hated the stench of spilled beer and heavy smoke stained in clothing mixed with the sweet smell of pot. Everyone was either drunk or high or both, everyone wanted to get laid, and there was really no point to attend unless one counted the social aspect of needing an excuse to do bad things. Because if she chose to do these things by herself, it could be perceived as a problem.
However, after everything that had happened with Logan Jeffrey this week, Peyton decided she needed a distraction, something to get her mind off of the man that currently plagued her thoughts. She shouldn't be attracted to him. Not only was he her professor and advisor, but he was older and an asshole. The thing was, there was something about him that she couldn't get over. Something that drew her to him. Something dangerous. Like a moth to a flame, knowing she was eventually going to burn but taking the chance and continuing toward it anyway.
He was beautiful in all of his darkness, a gruff sort of man that was probably very rarely gentle. He clearly liked to be in control at all times. Peyton could sense that in the way he grabbed her hips during that demonstration.
Her face burned just thinking about it. She had fantasized about him taking her from behind over his desk when she released stress on Tuesday and the next day, he had her bent over a table, his rough hands gripping her waist like he owned her. She might have been a virgin, but she knew enough to know that he was affected by her in some way as well, at least judging from how hard he was against the back of her thighs.
She closed her eyes tightly, trying to suppress the shudder that ripped through her body. She needed to stop. What needed to happen now was she needed to focus on what she was going to wear to this party. She only owned a few dresses and they were in summer dresses that hung on her frame and billowed in the breeze. Club dresses weren't something she invested in, even if they were cheap and cute. To be honest, she felt awkward trying to be sexy. Every piece of clothing she owned, she felt comfortable in.
Because it was still warm, she pulled on her white summer dress. It was spaghetti strapped so she couldn't wear a bra but one was built into the bust. Her breasts weren't abundant but with the right push-up, she could amplify her cleavage and create a nice illusion. The dress cinched in at the waist and the skirt fluttered down to the middle of her thighs. She made sure to wear nude boy shorts on the off-chance that the Santa Ana's were still present and could potentially blow her skirt around.
As she stared at herself in her small vanity mirror, she imagined, for a moment, what it would be like if Logan saw her in something like this. It was a stupid thought, she knew. One she was actually embarrassed that crossed her mind. It had to be that stupid kiss. That kiss ruined everything. She thought it would be a power play, one that caught him off-guard. Instead, it caused her insides to turn into melted chocolate and slide heavy in her stomach. Even thinking about it now, about the sounds he was making, about the way he gripped her hair, how he spread her legs apart with his thigh, about how she could feel how much he wanted her, little shockwaves split her core into a thousand pieces and the shards pierced their inner walls with a sensitive thrum.
He had kissed her back.
Despite his no-kiss rule, he had kissed her back. He hadn't transferred her to another professor or removed her from his class. As far as she knew, she was still his TA. He hadn't gotten angry or upset.
Maybe his little demonstration on Wednesday was his own power play. She had only been a few minutes late and he had bent her over in front of the entire class in order to demonstrate Michelle Carter's statement about her rape. The way his hands had grabbed her waist like she belonged to him. The way his hardness rubbed the back of her thighs...
She needed to stop thinking about this, about him and what he did to her body or else she would soak her panties and she couldn't afford to do that in her white dress.
Her phone chirped and she answered it on the second ring.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Peyton, it Rikki." A pause. "You almost ready?"
"I'm heading down now."
She grabbed her small white clutch and stepped into her black converses. It didn't exactly go with the simplistic wholesomeness of her white dress but her Chucks were comfortable and added an edge to it she found unique. It didn't matter anyway because Logan Jeffrey would not be at some grad party and wouldn't get to see her anyway. She was free to dress for herself and now for anybody else, and she didn't want that to change just because she had a very small attraction to her professor.
* * *
Rikki Hasslehoff'sonly claim to semi-fame was the fact that she had a familiar sounding last name, even though she had absolutely no relation to the celebrity. She had checked back in high school. Her father was German, her mother was Russian, and they met at an airport in New York. Apparently, it had been love at first sight and they eloped to Southern California after three months. She liked to tell that story to those she first met to gage whether or not they would be her friend. If they found it romantic, Rikki wanted nothing to do with them. If they made a judgmental comment on it, Rikki still wanted nothing to do with them. If they were indifferent or tactful about their critique, Rikki was immediately won over. She was very particular about her friends, more than she was about her men.
Peyton passed the test with flying colors and ever since freshman year of college, the two were relatively close. They both majored in Criminology and were both getting their graduate degrees with the University of Newport Beach's Criminology grad program. Rikki had Logan as her professor during undergrad and had the biggest crush on him due to the fact that she had a thing for older men with asshole tendencies. She had even tried to seduce him during his office hours one time but he made her feel terrible and she never brought him up again. Because of that, Peyton had kept her mouth closed regarding how deeply connected she was with Logan - how he was both her professor and advisor and how she was now his exclusive TA. That, on top of everything, on top of the kiss and the feelings and the frustration, she didn't want to mention it in case it made her upset in any way.
Plus, she didn't want to think about the kiss or the odd public display of affection. She didn't want to think about any of it anymore. She knew if she tried to rationalize or go deeper than normal, she would be like a dog chasing its tail and end up nowhere. Tonight was about fun and that was what she focused on.
Peyton looked at herself in the mirror one last time. "No more thinking about Logan Jeffrey," she told herself before turning away and heading out for the night.
* * *
Rikki looked fabulous, as usual. She had dark auburn hair that was naturally straight - something Peyton was jealous about - and chopped bangs that hung into her dark eyes. She wore cherry-red lipstick which clashed nicely with her pale skin tone. She wasn't as tall as Peyton was and, in everyday life, she preferred dark colors and ripped denim, adding an edge to her doll-like face. On occasion, she wore black baggy hoodies that made her look grumpy and hid her slender figure, but for the most part, she flaunted what she had.
The party was across campus and deep into the student housing which was a good twenty-minute walk. The night was cold and bitter so the girls walked fast in order to keep warm. Rikki had a tight black dress that was more club-like than Peyton's innocent number - it almost looked like Peyton going to church and Rikki was going to a club.
It was easy to tell where the party was located a block away due to the noise and the number of cars hanging out in front of the white fraternity house. There were already plastic red cups littering the grass and a puke stain on the driveway. Peyton furrowed her nose at the sight and her stomach twisted with unease. Suddenly, she wasn't as sure as she used to be whether or not she wanted to be here.
"I'm so excited," Rikki murmured, grabbing Peyton's arm and squeezing her affectionately. Her breath fizzled into the air, a stark white against the black night. "After that awful undergrad year, I'm ready for a new start."
"And this is where you want to get it?" Peyton asked, raising a questioning brow. She couldn't help the sarcasm but this was not the place to start over. It was a place for distractions and for forgetting, for pretending for a moment, but not the reality of day to day life.
Rikki rolled her eyes and dropped Peyton's arm. "Come on, Peyton," she said. "Please don't lecture me tonight. After what happened sophomore year, I really need this."
Peyton gave her a look and was glad it was too dark to decipher. "I didn't realize that whole Logan Jeffrey thing still bugged you," she murmured. She wasn't sure if she was speaking to herself or if she actually wanted to have a conversation about Logan Jeffrey with Rikki. She was worried she might let something slip and she definitely didn't want to hear about how Logan had stared at Rikki and how she really thought he was interested in her. An unpleasant feeling settled on her back, sliding slowly down her spine, until Peyton physically shifted her weight and shook the feeling off.