Page 53 of Torn
I jump up and run over to grab the bottle. “Can we throw pennies in the pond? Or will it hurt the fish?”
“We can. I washed them all first to make sure there was nothin’ on them.”
“You’re awesome.” I shake out two pennies, put the jar back, and join him on the bench again, handing him one of the copper coins.
“You go first,” he says. “You’ve been sick.”
I laugh at him. “It was just a cold.”
“You called it the worst friggin’ cold ever.”
“It felt pretty bad at the time.”
“They always do.”
I hang on to my penny for a second and then toss it in the water, making sure it doesn’t bonk one of the fish on the head. We’re quiet for a few minutes as I think about my wish and how best to word it. I knew what I was going to wish for long before I threw my penny in, but now I’m not sure I have the courage to say it out loud.
“So?” he urges. “What did you wish for this time? It should be a big one—you just graduated high school and have a whole new slate in front of you.”
I take a deep breath and watch the koi circle slowly over my penny as if they know what’s about to happen.
“I wish you’d kiss me again,” I say softly, grateful for the breeze blowing my hair across my face at that exact moment, hopefully hiding the yearning that I’m sure is overly evident in my eyes.
He doesn’t look at me. In fact, he goes completely still and I’m not even sure he’s breathing, to be honest. My pulse quickens as I wait, and a swirling warmth manifests in the pit of my stomach.
“I didn’t kiss you, Kenzi,” he finally says. I can’t see his eyes, because he’s still leaning on his knees with his chin resting on his hands, so I’m left staring at the back of his head.
“Yes, you did.” Does he think I imagined the most epic kiss of my life thus far?
“It was an accident.” Again, with the emotionless tone that’s totally foreign to me.
“Are you kidding?” I say, my voice rising slightly.
“No,” he says simply. “I’m not.”
No way.I’m not going to let him put himself in denial over this.
“How do you accidentally kiss someone, exactly?”
Now I can hear him breathing, and he lets out a deep sigh. “I don’t want to talk about this.” He moves to stand but I quickly grab his arm and pull him back down on the bench.
“Please don’t walk away.”
He turns his face up to the sky and takes another deep breath, shaking his head. “Fine, Kenzi. It never should have happened. It was a fucked-up, spur-of-the moment thing because we were both all ramped up about saving the dog and we just kinda… collided.”
“Collided?” I repeat. Is he serious?
“Yeah, and I’m sorry it happened. My mind was just fucked for a few seconds. I would never touch you, Kenzi. Not like that. You know that, right?” He turns sideways to look at me and his eyes are troubled, searching mine like he’s lost and confused and needs me to set him back straight again.
I swallow hard over the lump growing in my throat. “Of course I know that, but I don’t want it to be a mistake. I liked it.”
His eyes close for a long moment before he opens them to meet mine again. “Kenzi, no. It was wrong on about a thousand levels. It didn’t mean anything.”
I slowly shake my head, refusing to let that be true. “No. I thought it meant a lot, actually.”
He stands up and hurls his penny into the woods, and that just deepens the blow of what he’s saying to me. Our little wish moments have always been special to us and he just threw one away like it meant nothing.
“We’re not talking about this, Kenzi. This subject is over, you got it? Just drop it.”