Page 152 of Torn
“He was terrified when things started to change. He pushed me away, he yelled at me. He made me go to Aunt Katherine’s to put space between us. You have no idea how much he fought it, Dad,” I say. “And honestly? I pulled him. Iwantedto be in a relationship with him and I knew he felt the same way. I kept pulling him out of his denial. So be mad atme.”
Shaking his head, he swipes his other hand across his face with the towel he’s holding. “I can’t be mad at you. But I’m disappointed that you would lie to me and do things behind my back. I thought we were close enough where you could tell me anything.”
My stomach burns with emotion. He’s right, I could always tell him and my mom anything and everything. “We are. But I knew you would never understand this and I was right.”
“You knew I wouldn’t understand it because it’s wrong.”
“No,” I say firmly. “I knew you wouldn’t understand because it doesn’t fit into whatyouthink is right.”
He’s silent, staring off across the room as he idly rubs circles on my back.
“Dad… I love you, but you have to let me make my own choices. I’m an adult, whether you like it or not.”
“I totally understand that. But there is no way in hell I can lookat you with him, or be in the same room with him knowing he’s had his hands on you. I’ll go crazy.” He pauses for a moment. “I can’t lose you, too, Kenzi. I can’t have Mom being the way she is, and you out there living your life and not being a part of mine.”
“Then just accept us. Don’t make me choose. At leasttry,” I beg.
“I can’t,” he replies with tortured regret thick in his voice.
Despair floods through me, seeping into every crevice of my heart and soul. I’m trapped and torn between the two men I love most in the world. I can’t imagine hurting either one of them or walking away from either one of them. Choosing one would only hurt the other, and that would devastate me for the rest of my life.
I love them both. I need them both. I want them both in my life.
After I convince my dad to shower and go to bed, I quietly go back to my room and send Tor a text, my fingers shaking over the tiny keyboard.
Are you okay? I’ve been so worried.
Tor
I’m only worried about the pain this is causing you.
Did he hurt you? He said he hit you and I know you hit him.
Tor
I didn’t want to hit him but he said some really nasty things and I snapped. I’m sorry. Is he ok?
He’s fine. He just fell asleep. Please tell me if you’re ok.
Tor
He fucked up my ribs pretty bad. I’m pretty sure he rebroke a few. He may have broken my nose, too. Tris is coming over in about an hour to take me to the ER.
I burst into uncontrollable tears as more anger and sorrow over this situation swell up in me.
I can’t believe he hurt you like that. I’m so sorry, Tor. This is my fault.
Tor
It’s not, Angel. I should have talked to him when this first started. Or just never let this happen at all. I knew all along there wouldn’t be a happy ending.
My heart clenches like a fist has grabbed hold of it, and my stomach sinks at his words. If he retreats back into the mindset that we shouldn’t be together, my heart will shatter into a million pieces.
What are you saying? Are you giving up on us?
Tor
I’ll never give up on us. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t come between you and your father. That will eat me alive and you’ll eventually resent me.