Page 113 of Torn
“No.”
“Maybe you should start. Ease him into it slowly. He probably already has some kind of inkling, Tor. EvenIknew and I really don’t pay much attention to anyone around me.”
That’s true. Tessie has always been stuck in her own head and a bit on the unsocial side.
“I’ve run a million different imaginary conversations with him in my head. And I can’t see any of them coming out okay. I can’t see him accepting her with me. He’ll think I betrayed him and took advantage of her. He’ll think I’m a child molester. He’ll fucking hate me.”
She tilts her head. “I’m not sure about that. Heknowsyou, Tor. He knows you’re not the kind of guy to do something like that. You’ve taken care of her for her entire life. He knows how much you love her.”
“Seethat’swhat I’m worried about. What you just said. You don’t think it’s sick that I can feel this way for her when I took care of her when she was a baby? What does that say about me?”
“I don’t think it’s that black and white. It’s a unique situation. You’re not related to her. Even though you babysat her, and she called you Uncle, you were stilljust a friend, Tor. That’s what you have to focus on. You’re a friend who helped your friends take care of their kid because they were only fifteen years old when they had her. You were just a kid yourself. You pretty much grew up with her. None of this is a normal situation, so how could there have been a normal result?”
I lean my elbows on the table and put my pounding head in myhands. “I don’t know. I just want us to be able to be together and be happy, but I feel like people will crucify me.”
“Stop beating yourself up, Toren. You haven’t done anything wrong. You fell in love. Look at the world we live in. Falling in love with your best friend’s daughter who’s fifteen years younger than you is nothing in the grand scheme of things, trust me. She’s a legal adult now and she can make her own decisions. ’Nuff said.”
“We’re afraid of throwing Asher over the edge. He’s all fucked up over Ember still. I don’t think he can take another blow.”
“I understand that, and it’s great that you both care about him, but you and Kenzi deserve to have your happiness. The world didn’t stop just because of what happened to his wife. I know it sucks and it’s devastating and heartbreaking and I hate to be harsh, but that’s the facts, Tor. You can’t tiptoe around him forever.”
She stands, comes around the table, and puts her arms around me. “You’re a good guy. You took care of all of us when Daddy died, and you took care of Kenzi and Asher when they needed you. You deserve to be happy. And if Asher can’t see that you’re the best guy in the world for his daughter? Then he’s insane. No one will love her like you do.”
“Thanks, kiddo.” I squeeze her arm. “I just have to get my head straight.”
“You will.” She lets me go and crosses her arms to study me. “You’re just going to have to be patient with her, Tor. As mature as she might be, she’s still young, just like me. We want to have fun, be a little stupid sometimes, sow some oats.”
“I know.”
“So if she acts crazy sometimes, you’re going to have to let her. Have fun with her, don’t be too serious. You’re the boyfriend now, not the uncle. You can’t control her and assert authority over her or she’ll resent you.”
I hadn’t really thought about all that yet. I wonder if when Kenzi turns twenty-one she’ll want to go to clubs and stay out all night partying. I already went through that. I can’t picture her doing that based on how she is now, but Tesla’s right—who knows what the future will bring?
“Great,” I mutter.
“Tor…,” she warns. “Just take it one day at a time.”
I nod at her, still feeling overwhelmed. “I’ll try.”
“And smile,” she adds.
“I’m smiling on the inside,” I tease, grinning.
“Not good enough.”
“I’ll work on it.” My cell phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out to see a text from Kenzi on my screen.
Kenzi
I got maybe two seconds of sleep last night. I can’t stop thinking about you.
“See? Now that’s a smile,” Tesla says, eyeing me. “Lemme guess. A text from Kenzi?”
“Yeah.”
I know the feeling. ;-) Get some sleep, Angel. I’m going to see you soon. At Tesla’s now then going to the shop. I’ll call you when I get there. I love you. Xo
Kenzi