Page 111 of Torn
“They’re more mature, usually. More experienced. Probably out of the playing-video-games-all-day phase, which is really annoying. Older men give younger women a sense of security, I think. Like they can take care of us in every way. Physically, emotionally, financially. I think all women secretly want to be treated like spoiled, adored little girls.”
I nod and stare down into my mug, wondering if Kenzi thinks of me that way. It wouldn’t be bad, because I want to take care ofher, but I also want her to have fun with me and be able to enjoy her youth. I don’t want to force her to grow up.
“Why all the questions, Toren?”
“I’m curious. I met someone younger…”
Her ice-blue eyes home in on me like two bright beacons cutting through fog.
“Holy shit,” she breathes out slowly. “It finally happened.”
“What?”
“You and Kenzi Valentine. I knew it!” She smacks her palm down on the table triumphantly. “I always knew something was there between you two.”
“Tessie, don’t be crazy,” I scoff at her, but fear snakes through me. I didn’t think she would figure me out so quickly. I thought I could just nonchalantly pick her brain to see if I could get some insight on how a younger girl would feel about dating an older guy. Now she’s got me cornered.
She tilts her head at me. “Seriously, Tor? Come on. Stop the bullshit. Obviously you need to talk, so let’s just drop the charade, okay?”
It’s hard to admit, but she hit the nail right on the head. Idoneed someone to talk to before I lose my mind from keeping this all bottled up inside me. I know I can talk to Lukas, but the fact that he’s related to Kenzi and Asher still makes me nervous. I need to talk to someone who’s not personally invested in Kenzi.
“You have to promise that this stays between us, Tess.”
“Of course it will. You look like you’re about to have a mental breakdown. Your eyebrow is twitching. I knew something was up when you took off a few weeks ago. Were you with her? Is that why you went away for the weekend?”
“No, I was alone. But things were starting to happen and I needed to get away to think. Usually I talk to Asher abouteverything, ya know? But I can’t tell him I’m freakin’ in love with his kid.”
Her mouth falls open. “Wow. I never thought I’d actually hear you admit it.”
“What’s the point in lying to you? I love her. I want to marry her.”
“Whoa.” She puts her hand up. “Let’s back it up, cowboy. She’s eighteen.”
“I know. I don’t mean tomorrow, Tess. But someday, when she’s ready to make that commitment. That’s what I want.”
Her eyes are wide and glassy as she reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “My God, Tor. I knew you had a thing for each other, but marriage? That’s a huge step for her to even think about at her age. Asher will flip his fucking lid.”
“Why do you think I’m so fucked up?”
“And what about her? How does she feel?”
“She loves me, too. She wants the same things I want.”
“Yeah, today, maybe. But she’s eight-fucking-teen. Look how much I’ve changed in the past two years, Tor. Am I the same person I was when I was eighteen?” She raises her eyebrows at me.
“In some ways yes and others no.”
“Exactly.”
“So you don’t think it can last? You think she’ll just change? Want someone else?” I try to picture Kenzi with another man and I can’t. I can’t even force that scenario in my head. My mind goes blank. I can only see Kenzi with me, and I can only see myself with her.
“I don’t know. But I think it’s a very big possibility.”
I pull my hand away from hers. “This isn’t helping me,” I grumble.
“I’m trying to be honest, and you have to hear it. But on theother hand, Tor… you guys have obviously had some kind of deep connection for years that hasn’t gone away, right? So maybe it can last. I know this is hard, but only time will tell.”
“I guess you’re right.” I nod. “But let’s just say she and I date. Do you think we look weird together? Does she look too young? Do I look old? I don’t want people staring at us.”