Page 110 of Volatile Vice

I collapse against the cold hospital wall, staring at the closed door. My mind swims with questions left unanswered as the reality sinks in.

What was my mother trying to tell me?

And what is happening to her now?

I stand in the doorway of her room.

“She may have thrown a clot,” someone says. “Get a heparin drip started. We’ve got to get her pulse ox up or we’re going to lose her.”

My heart drops as I hear the words. A cold shiver slinks down my spine. I feel like I’m spinning, crashing into a world of fear and uncertainty. An invisible weight presses down on my chest, making it hard to breathe.

My mother, my strength, my anchor throughout my life might be taken from me tonight. And that secret she was about to share remains a secret. The urgency in her voice still rings in my ears as I pound my fists against the wall.

Through the small window on the door, I see them working ceaselessly on Mom. But their quick movements look like they’re fading, becoming slower. The doctor’s face is a harrowing mask of grim determination and worry.

Then the dreadful words.

“We’re losing her.”

The painful beep of the flatline haunts the air around me.

“No!” I find myself screaming, “Fight, Mom! Fight!” I rush through the door before a strong hand grabs me by my shoulder, pulling me back. It’s another doctor, someone I haven’t seen before.

“Son,” he says in a deep, sorrowful voice, “we’re doing everything we can.”

I try to shake him off in an attempt to rush into the room, but his grip is iron. He’s used to family members trying to get inside. I sink to the floor, my legs unable to support me anymore.

“I need… She was…” I gulp. “She was saying something about my dad.”

I am helpless. Powerless. Just an observer as the doctors and nurses scramble around desperately trying to revive my mother.

The seconds turn into minutes, each ticking away with excruciating slowness.

And then...

“I’m so sorry. We did everything we could.”

37

RAVEN

Aweek later…

I wish I could stand next to Vinnie at the funeral. I wish he wanted me there.

I wish everything were different.

I remember eating dinner with Caroline Gallo and her son. How lovely she was. Beautiful. Vinnie looks so much like her. Same hair, same olive skin.

Next to Vinnie stands his father, Vincent Gallo Senior. He was able to get furlough to attend his wife’s funeral.

Falcon stands next to Savannah, of course, as her fiancé.

The minister drones on and on about Caroline. Mario Bianchi of course stands there too. His only child, now dead.

I try to listen.

Truly, I do.