Page 31 of Evan
It was too big and very difficult to maintain. As soon as his uncle passed away, he had put the place up for sale and it was now being turned into a museum. His loft was not luxurious, not by most standards. It was more functional, than cozy or even showy.
The master bedroom was decorated in series of gold and brown and very masculine. He had a personal shopper because he hated the job of picking out clothes. It was too time consuming, and he had too much on his plate.
He had a housekeeper who came in when he was already at the office. He barely recalled her name. She was very competent and had his meals waiting whenever he was home for dinner, which was not often.
He did not spend a lot of time at his loft, because he traveled. Staring out the window, he noticed that it had started raininghard enough to send the rivulets of water cascading on the window.
He stared at it for a minute, hypnotized by the ribbons of water. Leaning his forehead on the cool pane of glass, he closed his eyes as he remembered how she felt towards him.
She was so tiny and fitted him so perfectly. He could bring up the taste and feel of her in his arms and it had been the hardest thing for him to let her go. Commonsense had reared its head and battled with a desire so strong, it had left him shaken.
On the drive home, he had a strong pep talk raging inside his head, but as soon as he drove into her driveway, his resolve to stay away from her had taken a severe beating. He could not stay away from her. She was the type of woman who would want marriage and a stable home, but he was not there. He doubted he ever would be.
So, where did that leave them? His conscience had started up again. She was an innocent; he would bet every dollar that she was untouched. He could not in all honesty treat her the way he treated the other women he had been involved with.
In the past and with them, it had been physical. With her, it was not. It was so much more than that. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that something substantial and amazing was happening between them.
She would want to change him, and he could not afford that. “I never believed in you.” He whispered. “You took away the only good thing in my life. You took my mother away and left me with people who made my life a living hell. I don’t know what to do about her.
I would never hurt her, and I know you probably don’t think I am good enough for her and you would be right. But I need her. For the first time in my life, I need another person, and I don’t know what the hell to do.
I know you are not listening to a word I am saying, but I need her.” Opening his eyes, he lifted his head to the ceiling. “Do you hear me! I am not letting her go. Call me selfish, but I am hooked.” His shout echoed around the room. Leaning back, he laughed shakily and wondered if he was going crazy.
*****
She was in the middle of her high note when he walked in, and she stumbled and had to scramble to keep up. Holding her gaze and ignoring the eyes turning his way, he came forward and sat at the front where several elderly ladies made room for him with welcoming smiles.
He hadn’t told her he would be attending, and she had not asked, not wanting him to think that she was pressuring him. She had no idea where this was going and did not dare hope that it would go anywhere.
But his being here without any prompting from her, filled her with so much joy that she found herself focusing on him as she sang hauntingly about God’s amazing grace.
Seated between two white-haired ladies who smelled pleasantly of lavender and peppermint, Evan stared at her and felt the glow filling his heart. He had wrestled with the decision last night and this morning about attending services. He had not slept much, and the three cups of coffee had him energized and weary at the same time.
But now he was here, and he did not regret the decision.
“She is so sweet, and her voice reminds me of an angel.”
The woman to his left had him dragging his eyes reluctantly to look at her. “I have never heard an angel sing.” He said the first thing that came to his mind.
The woman gave him a look of disapproval. “If you listen closely at nights, you can hear them. Our Cassie sounds like one.”
“I will take your word for it.”
The woman thankfully ignored him, so he was able to turn his attention back to the woman under discussion.
She had started on another song, this one talking about Jesus’ journey to the cross to take away the sin of mankind. The song was upbeat, and he watched in admiration her graceful footwork as she moved from one end of the raised dais to the next.
The others stayed in place, but the woman who had started to change his life did no such thing. Her pleated green and blue dress swirled around her legs as she gyrated to the music.
Her dark brown eyes sparkled, and her happiness was so contagious, she had the congregation jumping up and down. Her hair was loose, the thick dark brown curls bouncing around her shoulders.
Her energy was so amazing that it had him wondering how such a tiny thing could appear so large.
By the time she had finished the song, he had automatically and unconsciously risen to his feet, clapping along with the rest of them.
His heart was swelling so much inside his chest, he felt as if it was bursting. His throat felt tight, and he had to swallow several times to get rid of the lump that had settled inside his throat.
“What an amazing God we serve!” She spoke with such happiness and enthusiasm, she had almost everyone agreeing with him. They were instructed to sit while she went behind the pulpit.