Page 140 of My Favorite Holidate
Everly peers at me with those thoughtful big brown eyes. “Because you have an ex who’s an agent of chaos. A lot of people do,” she points out matter-of-factly. “LikeMax does. Sometimes they stir things up. Remember last month?”
I flash back to earlier in the hockey season when her boyfriend’s famous ex showed up out of the blue and nearly ruined an event. His pop-star ex is not exactly like Brady, but she’s cut from the same narcissistic cloth.
That event became a hot mess, too, so her point has been made, I suppose.
“You’re right. But the whole thing tonight forced me to look at myself, and that’s what I’m trying to do.”
“Right, but why is the answer—don’t date?”
My throat hitches. “Once Wilder came to see me a little while ago, it was clear in his face, in his eyes. I knew he was going to end it anyway. I couldn’t take it. I didn’t want to get fooled again,” I say, serving up my shame and my insecurities. “It was bad enough when it happened with Brady, a guy I only sort of liked. I can’t imagine how much worse it would feel with somebody I?—”
I stop before I say the words—fell in love with.
But Josie tips her chin my way. “It’s okay. You can say it. We’re all friends here.”
“Say what?” I ask, pretending I don’t know what she means.
Maeve nudges my arm.
Everly pats me on the knee. “Say it.”
But it’s so hard to voice those words. I keep my mouth shut.
Maeve doesn’t though. “It’s so obvious that you’re a dream come true to him. Why don’t you let your own dream come true?”
Way to see inside my soul. “How do you know this is a dream of mine?” I counter.
“Because I know you,” she says. “Because you lovedeeply. You love your sister deeply. You love us deeply. You feel everything. I’ve seen the way you look at him, but you’re so afraid the things that scare you have become more powerful than love.”
Her words ring through my head and slither into my heart. They stare at me pointedly like a cat refusing to budge. “But how do I get past them? Aren’t you ever scared?”
Josie smiles softly. “Of course I am. But I try to face it now.”
“You knowIam,” Everly seconds. “But life is sweeter when you can move past your fears.” And it’s true she’s been there, done that.
Maeve smiles sympathetically. “I am too. All the time, every day. I’ve been scared every day since my parents died when I went to college. I’ve been scared since my mom told me to follow my dreams. I’ve been scared that I’ll never be able to achieve them.” Her eyes shining, she adds, “But you just have to keep trying.”
Josie gives her a side-arm hug and then turns her gaze to me. “Love hurts, but so does letting it go.”
“Do you really want to let him go?” Everly presses. “Because I don’t think you do.”
Who needs therapy with friends like this? I flop back onto the carpet. “Why did you come here? To make me cry and feel everything? I hate feelings so much. So very, very much.”
They join me, flat on their backs, too, which there’s space enough to do because this really is a chalet, not a cabin.
“If you’re not ready to do the hard thing, have a piece of cheese until you are,” Josie offers.
That’s not a bad idea. “Okay,” I say as I sit up to take a bite of a smoky Gouda.
As I eat, Josie adds, “It’s like you sometimes say to us—sometimes we aren’t ready to do the hard thing, so we have to do something easier first.”
I side-eye her. “You tricked me. You’re quoting me back to me.”
She smiles. “I am.”
I heave a sigh then give in, doing the easiest thing first. “Fine. You’re right. I fell in love with him.”
They erupt into cheers.