Page 44 of Play With Me
Pink blossoms on Maya’s cheeks when he addresses her. He knows what he’s doing as he flashes her a charming smile. “I promise I’ll keep her safe from any more pesky spiders.”
Maya slides off her stool and shyly tells him, “Don’t keep her up too late, okay? She owes me pancakes in the morning.”
“I promise they’ll be ready when you wake up, mijita. And if I’m still asleep when you get up, you have full permission to jump on my bed and act like an alarm clock.” I squeeze her tight when she hugs me. Mom guilt seeps into my bones about being away so much lately.
“Just remember you said that when I actually do it.” She giggles. “It was nice to meet you, Detective Anders.”
“Nice to meet you too, Maya,” he calls after her retreating form.
We’re silent until I hear her door shut upstairs and her bed creak as she bounces onto it and settles back down for the night. My nerves are on fire as Anders’ eyes burn a hole through me. “What the hell, Carmela?” His voice is low and has a subtle tinge of betrayal to it.
Sighing, I walk across the kitchen and pull out two wine glasses before selecting a bottle of red. “There’s a limited number of people who know about her. You didn’t need to know.”
“What the fuck do you mean I didn’t need to know?” he snaps. “You have someone targeting you! That’s what the nursery rhymes are all about, aren’t they? Now, they’re targetingher. That’s why you looked so scared earlier. How the fuck did you come to the conclusion this wasn’t something I needed toknow?”
“I can’t believe you followed me.” I ignore his questions and motion for him to come with me to the den on the other side of the house. He closes the door behind him without being asked and stares at me silently, waiting for an answer, while I uncork the bottle and pour us both a generous glass.
“What do you want me to say, Anders? We thought she’d be safe here. And forgive me if I didn’t want to add to the ever-growing list of reasons why you dislike me.” The sofa welcomes me as I sit, siphoning the stress of the day as I sink against theplush leather cushions and tuck my feet beneath me, holding his glass out to him.
“We?” he questions as he takes his drink and sits beside me. He tosses his arm over the back of the sofa and curls one leg up, forming anineshape as he angles his body toward me.
I give him a pointed look as I sip my wine. He’ll figure it out on his own. I don’t need to say the words out loud.
“She’s Mick’s, isn’t she?” he finally asks.
Nodding, I avert my gaze and focus on a random spot on the floor.
“Does she know?”
I shake my head. “We thought it was better that way. He’s not on her birth certificate. They’ve met a few times in passing, but she has no idea he’s her father.” I think about the few times Maya and Mick have crossed paths, and a smile pulls at my lips. “She actually doesn’t like him very much.”
He snorts into his glass. “Smart girl. Unlike her mom.” I glare at him for his dig, earning me a shrug. “Come on, Cara. How were you stupid enough to get involved with him? Maya’s what? Twelve? Thirteen?”
“Fourteen,” I correct.
“So you were twenty when you had her? Not even of legal age to go out drinking. He should have known better. He took advantage. That’s probably why he doesn’t want anyone knowing about her.”
I feel the need to defend Mick because it’s just as much my fault as his. I knew how old he was when I let him take my virginity. Hell, the fact that he was so much older wasappealingto me.
“Mick didn’t take advantage of me. I was old enough to know better. When we met, we just clicked. I don’t know how to explain it.” I can feel my eyes turn glassy as I recall the night we met. “Mick made me feel seen. Cared for. He promised me everything I could ever want at a time when my parents wanted to keep it all from me. I wanted to be a dancer, and they wanted me to attend college. Mick promised to help me get accepted into Juilliard and said he’d pay for my tuition. He bought me nice things and took me to fancy dinners. I was only nineteen, and he was offering me the world.”
“Nineteen? Christ, Cara. I don’t care what you say. That’s taking advantage.” He sounds disgusted, but at this point I feel like there isn’t much that doesn’t disgust him.
I know it seems bad, but I will never view it that way. I might have made a lot of mistakes at that age, but I will never think of the relationship I had with Mick as one where an older man took advantage of a younger woman.
“I was old enough to know better, Anders,” I reiterate. “I wanted it.”
He shakes his head and huffs out a breath,motioning around the room. “So what happened then? How do you go from that to this?”
I try to choose my words carefully. But I know that no matter what I say, Mick is going to look like the asshole in this situation that became our life. “One night, he told me that he was going to marry Kate. We’d been together for six months at that point. I thought he’d ask me to marry him, eventually. I was completely blindsided and told him I wouldn’t be his mistress. In the end, he chose her.”
Tears sting my eyes as I relive that night. I blink furiously to keep them at bay, refusing to look at Anders, who is probably thinking about how much of a fucking idiot I am. “I found out a few weeks later I was pregnant. I debated telling him, but Jackson’s uncle, Scott, found out months later and basically told me if I didn’t tell him, he would.”
“So what? He buys you this cushy house? Tries to keep you quiet as long as he pays for everything?”
Shaking my head, I drain my wine and get up to get more. “No, he bought the house for us. He knew he was going to have to marry Kate the whole time. I think he thought if he could get me settled before he had to announce it, that I’d be okay staying sequestered away here in Jersey.”
“But you have an apartment in the city, we were there together the entire time you were recovering. Who watches Maya when you’re not here?” His questions bring the mom guilt back full force. I bringthe bottle back, topping his glass off before setting it on the floor.