Page 67 of My Bully's Crush: Vol1
I was about to walk away and go back to the other side of the house where he couldn’t see me, and I wouldn’t have to look at him.But then I saw the look on his face; I’ve always been a sucker for a sullen Ryder, and why should now be any different?Still, I’m not so dumb as to give into whatever the hell this is.“Please, Elena, it’s important.I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t serious.”
Now, what in the hell could whatever was going on with him have to do with me?I snatched the door open but kept it closed enough that he couldn’t get in unless he went through me, which with the way I was feeling, I almost hoped he’d try.“What is it?What the hell do you want now?”Oh yes, there was the anger I needed to deal with his unexpected visit.Asshole probably thought he still had the right to just show up like he used to.
“Are you really going to leave me standing out here in the cold?”“It’s L.A.It can’t be that cold, and besides, no one invited you.”Am I really standing here having a normal conversation with him?I wish I could remember half the things I’d planned on saying to him, but words failed me.If only I could run upstairs and grab my journal, I’d have plenty to say; it was all in there.But for the life of me, I don’t know what the frig to say to him, even in anger.I’d forgotten every word in the English language.
I refused to even look at him as he stood there, not saying a word, just staring at me like this was some stupid Romcom, and I was just going to fall all over myself to forgive him.But before I knew it, my mouth opened, and the unrehearsed version of everything I’d ever wanted to say to him came tumbling out.
“Listen, I loved you once, okay, and you broke me.That chapter in both our lives has been closed; I think I even burned the book.So, whatever this is, I don’t want any part of it.If you’re hurt,” I looked him over as if looking for blood, “find a hospital.”
“You don’t mean that; you wouldn’t send me away if I was hurt.”“You don’t look hurt to me.”Is he for real?
“What if my injury was somewhere you couldn’t see?”“I would care even less.”I started to close the door and go on with my life because I was not in the mood to deal with him.
Why wasn’t he on his knees groveling and begging for my forgiveness?Knowing him, he probably did think that it was as easy as just showing up and picking up where we left off.What is it that Olivia Pope once said?Oh yeah, “Speaking to me is a privilege; you don’t have that privilege.Goodbye.”
“You wouldn’t do that; you’re too kind.”He put his foot in the door to keep me from closing it, and I saw red.How was he standing there acting so unaffected while I felt like a complete fool?Why did I say all those things that I just said?I never intended for him to know how much he’d hurt me.I wanted to appear just as unmoved as he seemed to be.
But that kindness he mentioned was working against me because my heart felt as if it was going to explode, and even my deep-rooted anger wasn’t enough for me to treat him the way he had treated me.I was so mad at myself for not being strong enough, and tears gathered in my eyes—tears that I willed away because I refused to let him see me cry.
“Yes, I’m kind, but kindness doesn’t stop me from being human, with all the other emotions that human beings are allowed to have.I loved you more than my own life, and when you threw me away in front of the whole universe, you destroyed me.And now that I’ve finally picked up all the pieces that were missing and put myself back together to be a better and stronger me, here you come.I have no interest in entertaining your narcissistic ass, so please, do yourself a favor and get fucked.”
Chapter 40
*Elena*
“Elena, please, just let me come in so we can talk.”
“No, it’s too late for that.”I felt such rage inside that I was almost afraid of what I might do.The tears that I’d been fighting so hard to contain were winning, and I hated that for myself; I hated showing any kind of weakness in front of him.
How dare he show up here like this?Acting so blasé, as if he wasn’t the monster who had hurt me in the worst possible way.How dare he think that all the pain and hurt of the last five years could just be swept away and forgotten by his mere presence?
In the past, it was always like that.I was always quick to forgive him and move on from whatever idiotic thing he’d done.Because I believed that that’s what love was.Long-suffering, forgiving, merciful.All the things an innocent young girl should believe.But look where that got me.
He made me a laughingstock, something to be ridiculed and laughed at, someone to be pitied.“Damn you, I told you to go away.It’s too late for explanations and excuses; I don’t care.I stopped caring a long time ago.”Lies, all lies, but thankfully he couldn’t see my eyes clearly because he’d know.He always knew me as well as I knew myself.
“It will never be too late; please, just let me come inside.Let’s sit down and talk.I’ll tell you everything; I’ll hear you out, whatever you have to say.You can even hit me if you want.”He smiled in that boyish way of his, and I wanted to knock his head in.
“Don’t tempt me.Besides, I don’t need your permission to do anything; you’re on my property.Wait, does anyone know you’re here?”I have a very lovely garden that needs fertilizing; his carcass might be just the thing it needed.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”Color me innocent.
“Like you’re thinking of where to hide my body.”Now it was my turn to smirk, all the while not believing or understanding what the hell was going on.I was standing here half-dressed, having a somewhat civil conversation with Ryder Sumner.
In some ways, it felt as if the years had not gone by, as if time stood still and it was the day after we last met.I should’ve done more to prepare myself for this happenstance.But I just never imagined that he’d ever be here again, not like this.
I had thought that maybe some years down the line when we were both old and grey, we’d run into each other in some café in town.We’d say a polite hello, and then as if in passing, I’d finally get the answer as to why he’d screwed me over.
By then, I would be over it, over him, already, and it wouldn’t really matter; it would just be something to close a door that had been left open.But this, even after five long grueling years, was too soon.I wasn’t ready; I hadn’t prepared myself for seeing him here like this in the flesh standing before me.
The longer we stood there staring at each other wordlessly, and the more I thought of what to say to him, the venom I wanted to hurl at his head burned a path from my lungs to the tip of my tongue.“Where’s your wife, Ryder?Does she know you’re here?I don’t need to deal with her brand of insanity right now, so if you please, just go.”
“Don’t call her that.”Oy, what’s this now?
“Are you high, Ryder?I thought they said you were clean.”
“I am clean.”He seemed a bit put out by my asking, but what the heck did he expect?He just showed up here out of the blue, asking to come in as if nothing ever happened.What am I supposed to think other than that he’s high off his nut?