Page 4 of My Bully's Crush: Vol1

It took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about, and when it came to me, I put a smile on my face and carried on with the façade, unwilling to throw Sydney under the bus for lying to them.“I must’ve overdosed myself.I was just that tired.You know how I am after one of those things.”

“That’s true.So, what did you and Sydney talk about yesterday?”There goes that jealousy thing again.

“Nothing much.We just did a little bit of catching up.”Her eyes followed me as I emptied the destroyed sundae down the sink and washed the dish before placing it in the dishwasher.

No matter how much help I have, old habits are hard to break, and mom was not the type to let her teenage daughter slack on household chores no matter how famous she was.“Oh, cool.Are you doing anything special today?Or are you just staying in?”

“I have no plans on stepping out those doors for at least a week.Why?Did you want to do something?”

“No, I just figured I’d run some errands if you didn’t need me for anything.”I waved my hand dismissively and urged her to go ahead and enjoy her day.

I was halfway through the sandwich I’d made myself when she headed out the door.I listened for the sound of the engine before bolting back up the stairs, my heart beating with excitement.A part of my mind was asking if this was really happening.

If, after all these years, my creative juices were finally making a comeback.After the hell that was my life, I seriously thought that it was over, that I’d never put pen to paper again, at least not to write music.But who knew that my dark despair would become something like this?

I guess what they say is true.Heartbreak makes artists more prolific than days of sunshine; what a depressing thought.I took my stuff from its hidey hole and headed upstairs on the top floor, which housed the studio that I hadn’t used in years.

I was almost afraid to open the door, not knowing what state the place was in.But on first inspection, it was obvious that the place had been kept up by the staff.There wasn’t a speck of dust in sight, and everything was pretty much just as I remembered it from the last time I was here.

Had it really been three long years since I’d been up here?After acting for a good ten years, starting at six, I found my love for singing.Not that I was ready to give up acting, never that, but I found another escape in writing and producing music that told a story.

These were my words and not a script that someone else had written for me to read off of.And so there was a different kind of pride attached.I’d even won an award my breakout year to go along with the many I’d received for my acting.

I’d been receiving a lot of accolades just before my world imploded, but it’s been some time since my name had been mentioned in the tabloids for anything other than the scandal that had derailed my existence.Why am I thinking about that now?

Too much time was spent on those thoughts, and I was sure to climb back into my shell.Somehow today, the thought of climbing into bed with the covers over my head wasn’t as appealing as it had been the day before and all the others before then.

The process of setting up the mic brought back beautiful memories, and by the time I locked myself in the booth, I was feeling more like my old self.With my eyes closed, I could almost believe I was back there once again.The young free-flying me that didn’t have a care in the world.The me who was so in love that beautiful music had been my expression.

It took some time for my voice to warm up, but once it did, the sound of my sultry tones, that rasp that had earned me so much praise, brought me halfway back to life.I cried and laughed through the first song as the music came naturally, the lyrics and the beat that had been playing in my head all night just flowing with perfection.

I wanted to call Sydney to commiserate once the first song was done, but I didn’t want to stop just yet, lest I throw myself off my stride.Besides, I already had the second song lined up in my head and wanted to get it out before I forgot it.

I was there for hours, stopping and restarting until I had the first three songs of what I was beginning to think just might be enough for an album down.Of course, there was a lot of work to be done, but I figured by the time I got the rest of my team involved, I’d have done half the work.

This was the first time I’d gone solo, with no collaboration, something I’d always been afraid to do, and it felt great.By the end of it, I felt a huge sense of achievement and was amazed that the whole day had gone by, and not once had I felt sorry for myself.

I hadn’t given my life much thought and instead had gotten lost in the music and the new feeling of rebirth I felt as I got back to doing something that I loved.I crept from the studio in the late evening to a house that had already gone to sleep, it seemed like and made myself a cup of tea with lemon and honey to help soothe my overworked throat.

There was a sound coming from Rachel’s room down the hall, and my aunt and uncle had already retired for the night.I felt a slight pang of guilt that I hadn’t seen them two nights in a row and promised to make up for it the next day.

They’d moved in with me when things had gone bad for me, and mom was too busy taking care of my little brother and her new husband to drop everything and rush to her adult daughter’s side.Not that she wasn’t of any help, she has been, of course, and I’m forever grateful for all that she’s done after everything I put her through.And I know that she’d asked my aunt, her older sister, and her husband to move in with me for a while to keep an eye on things.

I’m sure she had no idea that it would drag on for three years or that most of those years would be just as hard on them and everyone else who had a hand in trying to get me back on my feet.A look at my watch told me that it was too late to call Sydney, who usually went to the recording studio rather early in the morning, and since she was in the middle of recording her own upcoming masterpiece, I decided that I would also call her the next day.

I was almost halfway to my room when I changed tack and headed up the stairs that had once led to servant’s quarters but had been turned into my own personal studio when I bought the place.For a split second, I was reminded of all the dreams I’d had for the space back then.

The many hours I’d spent here with him.I waited for the usual feeling of loss and despair to attack, but surprisingly this time, all I felt was anger with a little touch of hate.“Fuck him!”

Chapter 4

*Ryder*

I wonder what she’s doing.It’s only been a day since the interview, and there was no way for me to know how she was holding up since no one in her circle would even spit on me, let alone fill me in, but she’d looked bad, and it was worrying me.

I gave up wondering a long time ago when I’d stop thinking of her and when I’d lose this feeling of missing a limb or something else just as important and necessary to my existence.That’s after I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I’d done something horrible in a fit of anger and torn our lives apart.

Something that I could never take back, something that I will regret for the rest of my life.That saying is really true, the one about not knowing what you’ve got until you’ve lost it, and my major fuck up had cost me big.I realized it almost immediately, but by then, it was too late.The deed was done for the whole world to see, and there was no turning back.