Page 35 of My Bully's Crush: Vol1

But damn, if it doesn’t hurt like the first time all over again, and I was right back where I started.Why have I become so weak?And why is it always him?Nothing else in life, no disappointment in my career, no other friendship or relationship has the power to bring me down the way ours did.

But why the fuck now?Why now, when I had finally been able to put the past behind me?When I was ready to move on and live again.I’d had so many plans.How could just seeing him like that for all of a few seconds cause me to go all the way back to the back of the line?

This trip had turned into so much more than just a getaway.Before leaving LA, I’d called my agent as planned and received some exciting news.There were projects waiting for me to go over, some of which I was looking forward to, one especially that would take me out of LA for months at a time with the prospect of at least a few years of work.

So, I wasn’t just escaping but celebrating getting back into the swing of things.But one look at him and I could feel myself being dragged back there again.Back when our lives were intertwined.Why was he here?I won’t even ask myself if I’m sure that it was him any longer because even if my eyes deceived me, my senses never would.

I’m not sure how to feel about the fact that he still has that type of hold on me, that that pull is still there after all these years of separation and still just as strong.Does that mean that all the hard work I’d put into getting over him and moving on with my life was for nothing?

I started to shake so hard that my teeth rattled against each other.“What happened?”Should I tell her?How could I not?

“I saw Ryder.”The words just tumbled off my tongue.

“Where?”Her whole demeanor changed, and I remembered too late why I maybe should not have been so honest with her.

Her fists were already folded, and she was ready to head back out, no doubt to hunt him down and skin him alive as she’d been threatening to for years.

“In the crowd outside the ice cream parlor.”

“Are you sure?Of course, you are.”She pulled me in for a hug, and I just sobbed into her chest as I tried to muffle the sound of my cries to prevent them from leaving the room.

“What is he doing here?Wasn’t he in hiding or something?You think it’s a coincidence?”I hadn’t told her about the hospital and me sensing him there and now was not the time.Knowing her, she’d have her security team out looking for him before I could blink.

“I don’t know; I’m not sure.”Those are the words I said to her, but inside I was almost certain that it was no coincidence that he’d followed me here, and I don’t know how to feel about that.A part of me wanted to be pleased that he was still interested, whatever that interest may be.

But the other part of me, the part that knows right from wrong, did not want the boy I’d fallen in love with to be the kind of man to leave his wife at home to follow after someone else.Oh, the irony.There’d been so much gossip about those two over the years, even when he and I were together, that he always denied it.

He never denied being with her when we were broken up, but he’d been with others as well and never lied about it.I knew some of the things he did back then were to get back at me, I did the same to him as well, so I understand.But cheating is not something I would expect from either of us, so why was he here?And why had he been in my hospital room?

‘This bastard, I hope no one else saw him, or there’s going to be a shitstorm to deal with when we get back home.If he hurts you again, I won’t let you talk me out of putting a hit out on him this time.”I’m never too sure whether she’s kidding about that or not.Knowing her, it’s a toss-up.

“I know.”I was thinking the same about the chaos this would cause if anyone found out that he was here, but I couldn’t get the look in his eyes over the mask he’d worn out of my head.There was so much sadness in his eyes, a sadness I also felt through the connection that should’ve been long broken.

But why was he here now?And how will I ever know?No matter what, I won’t go looking for him, and he’d better not approach me or say anything to me.I’ve put that whole thing behind me, and there is where it will stay.

I have to keep telling myself that so that I can deal with this new trauma because nothing hurts more than living in a world with half of your heart missing, except being that close to that missing part of you and not being able to do anything about it.

It’s been a long time since I allowed myself to think about his marriage or the days leading up to it, days when we were still very much a couple.He’d broken me, no doubt about it, and then his wife and her friends had done their best to ensure that I never put the pieces back together again.

I’d come out on top after pulling myself out of the muck and mire, and I would never allow myself to be hurt like that again.I’d trained myself to hate him, to lose every ounce of feeling I ever had for him.And in a flash, in just a few seconds, he’d dismantled my whole program.

“I want to go back; I won’t stay here a minute longer.”

“Are you sure?”Sydney rubbed my back just as Rachel knocked on the door.Sydney gave me a look that asked if I was okay, and I nodded my head and dried my eyes before plastering another smile on my face.

“Are you okay?What happened?”Rachel looked back and forth between the two of us.

“Yes, I’m fine.We have to cut the trip short, is all.The project is starting a bit earlier than expected.You can stay here longer if you’d like, I don’t want to spoil your holiday as well, and there’s no reason for you to leave.I’ll take a flight back, and you can stay here on the yacht for the next week as planned.”

“Are you sure about this?Don’t you need me to take care of things for you?”I waved my hand dismissively, wishing she’d just go because I was finding it harder by the second to hold myself together.“Yes, I’m sure.”

“She’ll be fine, don’t worry; I’ll be going back with her.”

I guess the look of relief on Rachel’s face was twofold.One, she got to finish out her vacation, and two, she wouldn’t have to deal with Sydney, who has made no effort to hide her dislike for the other woman.Then again, since everything that had happened to me, she seemed to dislike almost everyone around me except for my mom and aunt, and uncle.

I didn’t have time to think about my friend’s mercurial moods right now, though; I had a flight to organize and bags to pack.Rachel finally left, and Sydney helped me pack when I refused to call the staff to do it.I knew I was running away and hated that about myself, but I just didn’t want to deal with this right now.

I didn’t want a regression back to that dark place again, and I knew if I stayed here, that’s exactly what would happen.But his eyes, that sadness.Damn you, Ryder, we cannot be friends; you go away and stay away.Asshole!