Page 21 of Grave Dissonance
My eyes shut. “If you want to leave, I understand.”
“Leave?” Iggy asks. “I don’t want to leave. I want to go back in time and beat your father’s head in until all that’s left of him is blood and guts. Imagine demoralizing your son so much, all you leave is a desire to die.”
“I didn’t want to die.”
“You can call it whatever you want, Marley, but you were drowning, and instead of helping you, your father held your head under the water. Why didn’t your mother help?”
“My mother was a dutiful wife. She believed her place was to sit quietly and obey all my father’s wishes. It’s why the first thing I did with our first paycheck was get Monica out of that house. There was no way I was going to leave her in toxic hell.”
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ. Did you have anyone?”
“Monica. I had her.”
“Why didn’t she do anything?” Iggy asks.
“She was fourteen. What exactly was she supposed to do?”
CHAPTER 14
Iggy
The emotions of disgust and rage are so thick I’m confident I can choke on them. I always knew I was lucky to have my parents, but until I joined Gutless Void, I didn’t realize how fortunate I truly was. Lars and Cain were really open about their parents and how they grew up. Their disdain for drugs and alcohol directly correlated to how substances had demolished their lives. Marley’s parents were more of a mystery. The only time he’d ever mentioned them was when he went back home for his father’s funeral five years ago. His mother now lives in Florida. The only member of his family I’d ever gotten to know was his sister Monica. For the last eight years,the two of them became orphans my mother took in like her own.
I should say something to Marley, but I’m not sure what words I can choose to utter from the vast and complicated thoughts rattling in my mind. “I know your father is dead, but would I be a bad person if I flew to Florida and killed your mother?”
“Yes,” Marley says. “She’s almost sixty, and I think her dementia is a sufficient form of punishment.”
Both Marley and I sit beside each other on the bed, and I wrap my arm around his shoulders. He doesn’t resist when I pull him toward me, holding him in the silence. “What can I do?”
Marley inhales deeply. “Understand that as much as I care for you and as much as I want to fuck you, I can’t give you more. I’m not capable. We can fuck, Iggy. Fucking is something I’m good at. Sex keeps the demons at bay and in that moment, I can give you all of it. The problem is the after. There isn’t enough capacity in me to give you the beyond. We need to remove feelings from the equation.”
“You think you can handle me fucking other people?” I ask.
Marley stares at the wall, his shoulders falling. “No.”
“Friends with benefits, but with exclusivity?”
My arm drops to my side as the bed shifts and Marley rises. “I don’t know what to fuckin’ do. The idea of you being with another person induces a rage I’ve never experienced before. And I know that isn’t fair.”
He’s right, it’s not fair. Nothing about any of this is fair; not his parents, not how their treatment affected Marley’s mental health, not the way I crave my best friend. Not one element of our situation is fair. None of that matters, though, because even with everything stacked against me, against us, I want Marley. So I do the only thing I can—lie. “Hey, you know me, no-strings fucking sounds like a grand old time.”
I get off the bed and stalk toward Marley’s side. He doesn’t hesitate as he grips my throat and pulls me toward him. “Now, where is that lube?”
I point to my pants, still discarded on the floor. Marley abandons my neck and walks toward the denim, lifting it off the floor. He rummages through the front pocket, pulling out the two-ounce bottle.
“Get on your knees, Iggy.”
I follow the instructions and kneel before him. My hand grabs his thickening dick and my fingers spread his pre-cum on his pierced cockhead.
Marley roughly grabs my neck. “Look up and open your mouth.” As soon as my lips part, Marley spits inside. “Good boy. Now gag on that dick for me.”
My lips circle his girth and I bring my head forward, taking Marley straight to the back of my throat until I gag.
Marley thrusts forward, taking control. His hands grip my hair and he rides my face with force, and I love it. “That’s it, baby boy, show me what a slut you are for my dick.”
He yanks me off his cock and spits on my face, degrading me. “More.”
Both Marley and I freeze at the request. I am not sure where this desire to be degraded comes from. All I know is, when I am with Marley, I crave it. With him the submission provides me with a surge of delight and makes my cock so hard I am almost confident it could cut through glass.