Page 20 of Misadventures And Ms. Demeanor
"You can come another time. You only live a few hours away."
JT and Esther would be nose to nose if she were only a foot taller. He could knock her down with his pinky finger, but Esther was holding her own. She was like a honey badger fighting a big lion. I knew who was going to win this battle and anyone who'd seen a documentary on honey badgers knew as well.
"No way." Esther shook her head, curls springing and bouncing. "We're here. It's time to eat, then we'll spend the night and get the stamp first thing in the morning."
"I'm not sure what kind of food's around here. We're kind of in the middle of nowhere," I said, enjoying the clear blue sky that went on forever. There wasn't a fast food restaurant in sight.
"Then we head back to Billings," JT countered.
"That's going the wrong way!" Goldie added.
"I need that stamp," Esther countered, her voice louder.
"You're like a damn honey badger with that stamp, Esther," Velma said, tossing her hands up in the air. Wow, Aunt Velma and I had thought the same thing about how persistent the woman could be. We must have seen that same documentary. "I mean, really? It's a dang stamp. Let it go."
JT smiled at Aunt Velma with blatant relief. "Thank you."
"I'm in agreement, but we need to find some food," Goldie added. "I'm starved."
"If you hadn't literally hit that drive-thru we'd have eaten those wraps and wouldn't need to stop," Esther glared at Goldie.
Goldie arched a brow, but kept quiet.
"Why can't we just eat what we brought in the RV and be on our way? You guys can stop here on your way back when neither JT nor I are with you," I offered, trying to be diplomatic. I didn't want to stay overnight to get the silly stamp either, and I was hungry.
Everyone was quiet for a moment.
"I guess that's all right," Esther said, although fairly glumly.
"I guess we don't have to head back to Billings if we can take a backroad to cut down to Sturgis," JT said, compromising.
"Fine, then. I'll whip something together," Aunt Velma said, already walking back to the RV, her words carrying over her shoulder.
"Oh, no. You burn water. I'll cook," Goldie ran to catch up and keep pace with Velma. She was right. If Aunt Velma got near the food, we'd either starve from eating rabbit food or wouldn't eat at all because she'd ruined it.
Esther moseyed along behind them, obviously disappointed she didn't get her stamp.
Once inside, Aunt Velma took over driving while Goldie began digging through the grocery bags of food to pull a meal together. "What the hell?" she muttered, shaking her head. She was leaning over, head in the tiny, college dorm room sized fridge.
She pulled out a?—
"What the hell?" Esther repeated.
—ceramic garden gnome.
"That Zach. I tell you." Goldie shook her head and rolled her eyes. "He's obsessed with this ridiculous gnome. Wow, it's really cold."
She placed it on the small table in front of me. It was about a foot tall, big white beard, red jacket, creepy smile. I swear it was leering at me.
"Why did he put that thing in the fridge?" Esther asked.
Goldie returned to her work, pulling out cold cuts and condiments and started to build sandwiches. "He got it at a garage sale last summer. You wouldn't believe the stories that gnome has. It leads quite a life. Last month it went to Alaska."
I looked at the devilish guy. "Zach wants it to go on the road trip with us?"
Goldie shrugged. "All I know is that we need to keep it safe until we get home. Even though he left it with us, that little guy's special to Zach. Even named it."
"Well?" Esther prodded when Goldie didn't say more. "Don't keep us guessing." She went over to the pet carrier, squatted down and opened it. I was waiting for a cat to leap out and attackher, but when Esther reached in, she pulled out a bright orange tabby cat. Climbing into the recliner, she put it on her lap. After spinning a few times and kneading her legs, it curled up and went to sleep.