Page 10 of Misadventures And Ms. Demeanor

The bed dipped again. "I think it's going to be perfect, and so much fun!" Aunt Velma's voice was loud in the small space.

I looked at my watch, wiped the sleep from my eyes. Hmm. Ten. The sun was bright through metal blinds covering the small window on the back wall. Goldie sat down on the edge of the bed. Aunt Velma ducked her head through the doorway and sat down as well, forcing me to curl my feet up inside my sleeping bag. Staring at them was like a shot of espresso. Goldie's hair was down in soft waves and she wore a leopard print shirt with another pair of jeggings, these in black. Aunt Velma wore a Day-Glo orange exercise shirt and striped shorts. She looked like a golfer who'd gotten lost in the eighties. With her red hair, it was an impressive combination.

"Oh?" I asked noncommittally, my voice scratchy.

"It came to me last night. I need to get this camper to Omaha to my cousin Ralph's brother's son's house. His neighbor is going to buy it."

I sniffed. "Isn't your cousin Ralph's brother also your cousin?"

Goldie pondered for a moment. "Huh, you're right. I guess I could say then that we're taking it to my cousin Ralph's nephew's house."

I was really, really sorry I asked because either way, it was still in Omaha. "Why doesn't he come here to pick it up himself?" Sounded like a long way to make Goldie go to sell her own camper.

"He was going to, but then Velma and I realized it would be a perfect writing assignment for you."

Okay, they were starting to make plans for me, so I perked up. Propping up on my elbows, I gave them the evil eye. "Me?"

They had deflector shields or something because they didn't pick up on my wary tone. "You need something to write about for that travel magazine. What better than a road trip across the American West?" Aunt Velma asked. "It's perfect! There's so much to see and people will love to read about our trip."

"Ourtrip?" I asked. This wasn't good.

Goldie nodded. "You, me and Velma. We'll pick up Esther Millhouse on the way. You need to brush your teeth." Goldie fanned her face.

I sat up, propped my back against the wall, my feet still in my sleeping bag. "You guys woke me up," I grumbled. I could feel the fur coating my teeth. "Let's keep on topic here. You want me to go on a road trip, in this camper, with you, Aunt Velma and Esther Millhouse?"

I had no idea who Esther Millhouse was, but if she was friends with Lucy and Ethel here, it wasn't going to be good. "Who is this woman?"

"She's our dearest, oldest friend."

Did Goldie mean that literally, like she was really, really old?

"Velma knows her from their time in Fargo with the Roller Dolls, but she lives here now. She's been in Billings visiting with her daughter and family but wants to go with us. So we'll pick her up there."

"Omaha is a long way. It's even in a different time zone, right?"

"I looked it up on that map program on the computer. It's only fifteen hours of driving. We can be there in two days. Imagine, we can see Mt. Rushmore and all the other great things along the way!" Aunt Velma exclaimed.

"We can see the world's largest porch swing in Nebraska, too. I love those kinds of things," Goldie added, clearly excited about the prospect of a road trip.

"I'm not so sure the magazine is going to be interested in this," I countered, considering this could be the demise of my career.

Aunt Velma frowned. "Why not?"

"Because the largest porch swing isn't what people want to read about."

"How would you know?" Goldie asked. "Besides, that candle thing in Thailand doesn't sound that interesting."

"Look, I haven't had my coffee yet. Let me at least get some caffeine in me before I make any crazy decisions."

"Fine," Aunt Velma said. "Perfectly understandable. Caffeine is a requirement for good judgment, but we have to get going."

My eyebrows went up. "Going? Now?"

"If we're going to meet Esther in Billings we do."

I shook my head. "Thanks, ladies, but I'm going to pass."

Goldie patted my leg through the Scooby Doo sleeping bag. Yes, someone got a kick out of the whole Velma and Daphnething when I was in fourth grade and got it for me for my birthday. "Listen, sweetheart. There's a little problem."