Page 181 of For Better or Hearse
“We’ll make it.” Her husband’s broad palms smooth over her hips, move to cup her face. “We always do.”
He’s right.
They do.
It’s week three of their two-month-long around-the-world honeymoon. And so far, she’s run through two airports to make connecting flights. She nearly got run over by a Vespa in Italy andchased down by a highland cow in Scotland. And still, she’ll take it. Every last death-defying memory. She’ll relish them all, because she’s making them with Nathaniel.
They were married seven months ago. Nathaniel never went back to theSophia Marie. They were married at a boutique Fox Hotel, a small ceremony on the rooftop overlooking LA with their immediate family and friends. Augustus’s garden was the perfect location for their reception. Fairy lights, a string band, and a coconut wedding cake with bride and groom Bigfoot toppers.
They didn’t want to wait. They wanted to wed while Augustus was with them.
Two months later, he passed. It feels strange to say his passing was beautiful, but it’s the truth. They were all with him at the end. Claire and Nathaniel holding his hands. The memory of Augustus going quick, quiet, in his sleep, is now a part of her.
Ash sighs in Nathaniel’s arms.
Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, he smiles down at her. “Ready?”
She inhales. “Yeah.”
He releases her, takes her hand. Together, they scale the last mile up the mountain. For one more adventure.
That’s what the last year has been. Never knowing what will happen, but taking it day by day.
They bought that little house on the beach. The best mix of the both of them. Minimalist morbid, she calls it. A traditional cottage painted black with white shutters. Every night, time disappears. Nathaniel smothers her in stern, serious kisses. They breathe in the salty sea air. Take midnight swims. They cook coconut pancakes on Saturday mornings, hike to the Hollywood sign. Sundays are for lunch with her parents or Nathaniel’s.
Her death doula business has grown. She takes on two families at a time. Despite the heartbreak, she adores her work. Assisting people in unearthing the love that wants to be expressedis her favorite part. There’s no blueprint for what she does, so she’s always recentering and refocusing on how to do it better.
Death has taught her that having the chance to say goodbye, to find joy in the sad, truly can change a life.
Per usual, Nathaniel slays at everything he does. As head of Cedars-Sinai ER, free time is a rarity. Their days fly by, changing shape, squeezing through their fingers. But they always make time for each other. Their life together feels perfectly crafted. Like the wait to get to this place, to find what she needed, was worth it.
This man who never fails to have her scoffing or sighing. Who calls her by her full name when he’s serious. Who has never asked her to change herself or put her life on hold. Who holds her dreams and helps her chase them. Every day, he makes her love herself better than she ever has.
When they reach the summit, they still.
“Fuck,” Ash breathes.
Nathaniel wraps an arm around her shoulder, his handsome face stern, his hair windswept. Ash relishes the sight. Commits it to memory.
They’re quiet as they stand near the cliff edge. Look out at the lighthouse below. The Pacific and its lazy, rolling waves. Her breath hitches. The Hawaii sunset is a brilliant and bold mix of oranges, pinks and reds. A fitting tribute to one of the best men around.
“I wish he were here to see this,” Nathaniel says, emotion choking his words.
She sends him a wobbly smile. Squeezes his hand. “He is.”
As she surveys the horizon, a rush of emotion sweeps over her. Like Augustus is here with them. Seeing what they’re seeing and feeling what they’re feeling.
It’s a sensation that’s stuck with her since he died.
Ash lowers her backpack to the ground. She kneels and retrieves the urn inside. Gently, she settles it on the ground. Nathaniel squats beside her.
“You go first,” she says, uncapping the urn.
A shadow passes over Nathaniel’s face, clears.
Reaching in, he grabs a handful of dust. Ash follows suit. On a sigh, Nathaniel stands and walks to the cliff ledge. Ash waits at a respectful distance while he speaks to his grandfather in hushed tones.
And then he lifts his hand and gives a fierce throw. Dust and sunset become one.