Page 177 of For Better or Hearse

“How are you doing?” her cousin asks. She sits in bed, Solomon beside her. Sympathy lines both of their faces.

“Hanging on by a thread,” Ash says morosely, propping her phone up on the counter.

“Still no word?”

“No.”

“I’m so sorry, Ash.”

She shakes her head. Tears well in her eyes. “How are you?” she asks, needing a distraction from her agony. “Still on bed rest?”

“Two more days.” By the force of his growl, it’s clear Solomon is not happy about that.

Bear, cradled in Tessie’s arms, lets out a tiny wail.

Her lip quivers. “Same here, kid.”

“It sucks.” Tessie’s voice cracks.

“Fucking sucks. I keep thinking,what if?Lasts. I know I deal in those…but right now, all I want is love. I just want Nathaniel.”

Tears spill from Ash, cascade down her cheeks. She can’t stop them. She’s a rose bush that’s been overplucked and de-thorned. She might still go on, but she’ll never be herself.

“I told him my name, you know,” she whispers between shaky, gasping breaths.

Tears fill Tessie’s eyes. “You did?”

“I did. And he didn’t laugh.”

“Oh, wow.” Now Tessie’s voice is wobbly. “He’s a keeper.”

Ash wipes her cheeks with the pads of her fingers. Even now, the thought of never hearing her full name from Nathaniel’s mouth again has her wanting to fall apart.

“I know.” Fanning her face, she says, “I don’t know how to do this, Tessie. This love thing anymore. Maybe I never did.”

“You do,” Tessie disagrees gently. “You so do, Ash.”

She shakes her head, feeling broken.

The bed shifts as Solomon tucks Tessie’s body against his. He gives Ash a kind smile, but then his adoring gaze returns to his wife.

“Grief and love coexist,” he says, resting his massive hand on Tessie’s belly. His rugged face creases with pain. “You can’t have one without the other. You have to take the good with the bad. And when you do, you’ll find the bad doesn’t matter as much as the good.”

Ash’s chest constricts at his words, making it hard to breathe.

Solomon’s right.

Life doesn’t give us what we expect. And in all those moments, we find joy, terror, and ourselves. She found Nathaniel.

He gave her something she hasn’t had in a long time. Trust in a man. Trust in herself.

He’s seen her. Maybe more than anyone.

No matter what happens, she will always have that to hold on to.

“Okay, I’m done being a crybaby.” Ash sniffs and exhales a shaky breath. “Tell me some good news. Because I need it.”

Solomon looks at Tessie, and Tessie looks at him.