Page 150 of For Better or Hearse
As the last plate is cleared and dessert plates and utensils are swiftly set in front of them, Augustus rises. “All right, you know the drill,” he begins.
Nathaniel laces his fingers through hers. “Last dinner means…”
“A Grandpops speech,” Delaney pipes in.
Augustus laughs, his eyes twinkling. “It certainly wouldn’t be the end of the trip without one. You love these, don’t you, Don?”
Don chuckles, his response more good-natured than she’s seen from him.
Augustus sobers. “I’m happy tonight. Do you know why I’m happy? Because I have you here with me. My family. Which brings me to something I’m afraid I have to tell you.”
Nathaniel eyes her, anxious.
“I’ve decided to stop treatment.”
Claire covers her mouth. Even Don blinks silently, stunned. He reaches over and takes his wife’s hand.
Ash sits frozen. Sucker punched. She wants to weep, to scream. But it’s Augustus’s choice. It’s her job. All she can do is support him. Even if she’s not ready, he is.
She gives him a wobbly but encouraging smile.
“I have less than six months until I die of brain cancer. Before I move into the unrefined stage of forgetting your names and spilling food on myself, I want to be sure you’re okay. Because I am. I’ve had a good life. The goal of this trip was to make sure you had everything you needed before I go.” He smiles around the group, his tender eyes stopping on Ash, then Nathaniel. “I hope a connection has been made between all of you that lasts longer than I do.”
Silver in his eyes, Nathaniel pulls her hand into his lap. She squeezes back.
Tate slings his arm around Delaney, who rests her head on his shoulder.
Augustus holds up a hand. “But tonight is not about me. It’s about Claire.” He finds his daughter, smiles warmly. “Honey, I have done many things wrong in life. I was absent, I was cruel, I was unavailable.”
“Dad.” Claire shakes her head. Tears stream down her face.
“I knew after a month that I loved your mother, but it took thirty years to realize I hurt you.” His voice cracks. “I’m so sorry, Claire Bear. I’ve missed many of your birthdays. And I will miss more. But not tonight.”
Fighting back tears, Ash twists in her seat and gives a nod to the server.
In come birthday cakes. All the birthday cakes. Small and squat, towering and behemoth. Vanilla, chocolate, funfetti, every flavor imaginable. Bavarian cream, fondant, royal icing. Some are decorated with marzipan roses, some have real flowers, some look like a child’s birthday cake, some resemble an elegant wedding cake.
Claire gasps as they’re set on the table. Ash sees it in her eyes. Awe. Joy. It’s obvious. It’s all she’s ever wanted. It’s just cake, and yet, it means so much more. What Augustus missed out on. What he’s making up for.
A hand on her shoulder. Warmth and comfort. Ash turns to Nathaniel.
“You two made her world tonight,” he says, his voice breaking.
“I’m glad,” she agrees, nodding.
The night goes on. Cakes are cut and devoured. More tears are shed. Even Don is teary-eyed. Every face is etched with pain, but also comfort. Words likeI fucked up, but I’m sorry;I’m fixing itgo a long way.
As hugs are passed around and the group lingers, hesitant to break the spell of the night, Ash is hit by a sudden pang of emotion.
She sees. What could be. What she wants.
Throat tightening, she turns abruptly, to get away from the sight, to chase away the pressure in her chest. She walks briskly down the beach. The urge to burst into tears is suddenly overwhelming.
At the lip of the surf, she takes in the great, vast ocean. Feels the sand between her toes. The touch of warm night air.
She has all this back in LA. But what she doesn’t have? Nathaniel.
They’re going their separate ways in less than twenty-four hours. The thought is like a knife to the throat.