Page 105 of For Better or Hearse

Finally, Claire sighs. “He wasn’t there a lot, my father, but I—I still don’t want him to go.”

“I don’t either. It could be months, or it could be years. All we can do is be there for him.” She does her best not to say too much. Most people want an ear, not a lesson. “I know he loves you a lot.”

“I wish he would tell me that,” Claire says in a sad, faraway voice. She wipes at the corner of her eye. “All the birthdays he missed, the stories he never told me about my mother. All my life, I’ve felt like I’m made of strings. They’re all connected to me but blowing in different directions, and I keep grasping, keep trying to thread them together for—for some connection—and now for some closure before he goes.” Claire covers her face with her hands. Groans. “It’s weird. I don’t expect you to understand it, but—”

“No, I do.” Ash laughs, smiles at Claire’s words. They almost feel like Ash’s own story. “I understand more than you think.”

“How do I get through it? There’s so much to do. Our family’s not good at this.” Claire gestures between them. “What you do. Engaging with others. You have something that people like.” She fingers the stem of her wineglass and smirks. “Something that pisses off my husband.”

Ash arches a brow. “That’s really the purpose of this trip, isn’t it? Rip Don a new one?”

Claire laughs, a joyous sound of relief.

For a moment, silence settles.

“You know,” Ash muses. “Love and death are so similar. The beginning. The end. It’s all a mystery. An unknown. Both are always on our minds. We don’t control the ride, the ride controls us. And no matter how hard we prepare, no matter how much we think we’ve got this, we can’t escape. Love. Or death.” She fiddles with theedge of a napkin, swallows back the emotion bubbling up inside her. “But finding the grace to get back to one another, to understand, to forgive, is another kind of love on its own. It’s not death.”

“Then help me,” Claire says. She sits up, mouth fixed in a determined line. “Tell me what to do. You’re here to help; I’m listening.”

Ash’s jaw drops, and then she takes a breath, attempting to disguise her surprise. “I think you two should sit. Say a lot of big words to each other. Maybe you’ll get angry, and it’ll be hard, but then it’s out. You only get one shot. Chance, life, love are finite.

“And when the time comes…” Her throat tightens. The backs of her eyes sting.

Dear god, no. Not tears. Not now.

“I’ll be there,” Ash chokes out. “For Augustus and for all of you. If you want.” She swallows, but she forces herself to maintain eye contact with Claire. “I’ll help. It’s what I’m here for. You don’t have to go through the fear and sadness of being left alone after his departure. You just feel what you feel and rage how you rage and cry how you cry, and I’ll be there.”

Claire rests her chin in her palm and considers Ash. “Yes,” she says quietly, “I look forward to it.”

Fucked. The only way to explain the vibe since they left for Maui. Their plane was delayed for three hours due to engine failure. At lunch, Tate ate a shrimp cocktail that absolutely decimated him with food poisoning. The Sunrise Above the Clouds tour Augustus had been planning was canceled thanks to the heavy rain. Sure, Ash could chalk all of it up to first world problems, but she also thinks it’s Maui problems.

To top it all off, there was a room mix-up, which means she’s on the lower level of suites. Away from the Whitfords. Augustus is pissed. He did all he could to move her, but because the resort is fully booked due to a wedding (of course it’s a wedding), there’s nothing they can do.

Being on her own down here only has Ash feeling more alone. Left behind.

As she walks down the hall to room 1313—even her room number feels like bad luck—she reads Tessie’s texts.

I have a voodoo doll with Jakob’s name on it.

I’m so proud of you, Ash.

Observe, do not absorb. Unless it’s Nathaniel’s righteous dick.

Her cousin’s warm, supportive words have Ash feeling like she can rally and get through the next five days.

Maybe.

Ash presses her key card against the reader, pushes the door open.

“Fuck,” she says, blinking.

Clearly, Augustus saved the best resort for last. The ocean-view guestroom is bright and airy. Gives coastal-chic vibes.Oversized leather armchairs, a plush J-shaped couch and a hot tub in the living room. The place is as luxurious as it gets.

Tessie would flip her shit if she saw this room.

Ash drags herself over to the balcony. Unlocks the sliding door and steps out. The sky is dark and ominous. Thick, tropical air, the scent of petrichor envelop her. Suddenly, it’s hard to breathe. She aches to crawl out of her skin. To teleport back to LA, to Tessie, to anywhere but here.

Despite how hard she’s worked to outrun them, move past them, the ghosts from her past have found her. Andboo!is the whisper in her ear.