Page 138 of The Romance Line
“Yes, I want the promotion, and yes, I want to be with you. And, like my friend Fable said, both things can be true at once.”
I nod again, because she makes perfect sense. “She’s right.”
“And I didn’t start planning what to say to my boss yet because it’s terrifying,” she says, her tone so vulnerable as she lets me deeper into her heart. “I don’t have any idea how she’s going to respond. I don’t know how they’ll handle it. I don’t know if I’m going to be fired,” she says, desperation coloring her tone, and I hate that dismissal is even a possibility for her. “And that’s why I needed to wait till we got through the last event and dinner. Not because I was putting off this big thing that needs to be done, but because I didn’t want to be overwhelmed with everything that it entails.”
“I get it now. I appreciate you explaining it to me.”
She takes a beat, as if she’s gearing up to say something harder. “Sometimes I do get overwhelmed. Sometimes my mind fixates on the past and what happened three years ago. Sometimes I picture it and remember it so clearly I’m afraid I can’t move forward. That I’m going to be stuck in that night all over again,” she says, and with a deep breath that seems to steady her, she keeps going. “When that happens, I do these grounding exercises to stay in the moment. I haven’t told you about them before because there wasn’t really a need. It’s just something I do in my head. Something I learned about in therapy after the accident. I catalog my surroundings and it helps me stay in the moment so that I don’t get lost in the past.”
My heart aches for her, for all she’s endured, but italso thumps louder and harder over the ways she starts over and how she thrives as she moves past that terrible day. “I hate what you went through—all of it, just all of it. Every single part. But I’m so glad you have these…” I pause, thinking of the best words to use. “Tools. Coping mechanisms. And I love learning all of these details about you—even the ones that are hard for you to share. Maybe especially those. So thank you for telling me that.”
She gives me a soft smile. “I want you to know me. I want us to know each other. And part of why I’m telling you this is that I can’t always plan everything all at once. If I do, I’m going to get overwhelmed with the future too.” Her hands grip my shoulders tighter as she continues, “I’m truly trying to live and make the best decisions I can for each day. That’s the only reason I didn’t make a detailed plan yet. Because I didn’t want to spiral either. But I already submitted a calendar request for Monday morning. That way I can plan what to say over the weekend. I can rehearse it with my friends. And go into the meeting from a position of strength.”
My heart catapults in my chest. “You already requested the meeting?”
“I did it when I woke up.”
“Fuck, I love you,” I say, then I laugh lightly. “Also, I think you’re better at not spiraling than I am.” I reach for her right hand on my shoulder and press a soft kiss to her palm, then I link my fingers through hers. “I love that you told me about what’s going on inside your head. I love understanding you better and knowing you better. You’ve let me in, and I want you to know I’ll do everything I can to support you. And also to listen.”
“You are a great listener,” she says. “But I do need topoint out that you’re wrong about one thing that you said.”
I furrow my brow. “What’s that?”
“You said your fears and your past have nothing to do with me.” She pauses for a moment. “But they do matter to me because I care about you. Because I love you. And because I want to be your safe space too just like you’ve been for me. You don’t have to be perfect for me to love you. You don’t have to be the perfect man for me to stay with you. Just be you. It’s okay if you feel doubts now and then. It’s okay if you worry. Just talk to me about them like we’re in this together rather than apart, okay?”
I understand now that it wasn’t so much how Ifeltlast night but how Ihandledthose feelings. It was my tone. It was the way my questions came out like accusations. But her willingness to love me with all my flaws just makes me fall even harder. “How do you make me fall more in love with you every single second?”
Her smile is like sunshine. “It’s my special skill.”
“You’re excellent at it. Don’t ever stop.”
“Same to you.”
But then more seriously, I add, “I want to keep earning your love, Everly. Every damn day.”
She rolls her eyes. “Shut up. You had me at London fog latte.”
I relax again, flashing her a grin. “I won you over that day I bought you one in Seattle, didn’t I?”
She plays with the wrinkled collar of my shirt as she says, “I couldn’t stand you, but yes, you also won me over…because, guess what? Two things can be true at once.”
This is officially the best day ever. I don’t even try to act cool. “So I’m really your type. I was right.”
She laughs. “Yes. Maybe even especially because you slept in your car to wait for me and deliver a latte.” She bends to pick it up and takes a drink, then hands it to me—an offering. I down some; it’s not my favorite drink, but I don’t care, especially when she says, “You’ve been so patient with me. And so sweet, and so…” Her voice catches. “Uplifting. The way you tell me I’m beautiful makes me feel…like…like I am living my best life.”
That is all I want for her. Well, not true. I want something else too. “Sunshine, live it with me.”
“I will.” She drops her mouth to mine and kisses me—a tender, London fog kiss as the sun rises on a December morning. It warms not only my heart but my whole entire soul that has come back to life thanks to her.
But even though I could spend all day here, she has a meeting to go to so I break the kiss, hand her the cup, and say, “Let me drive you to work. So we can get you to that meeting on time.” Then I add, “And so I get more time with you.”
Because there’s one more thing I need to tell her.
51
WHEN YOU GOT UNDER
Everly