Page 84 of Vicious Luna
She purses her lips, nodding. “Okay, yeah. So… sometimes my wolf’s close to the surface, and when I feel her start pressing forward, I can either push her back or let her out. And when I do that, it’s almost like letting her through a door, consciously taking a step back so she can get in the driver’s seat.”
I nod slowly.
“And when she’s not close to the surface, I focus on what it feels like when sheis, and then I use that feeling to reach for her in my mind. So, let’s try this…” she steps closer to me, taking my hands. “Close your eyes.”
I do.
“Focus on that little kernel of wild in your brain and see if you can draw it out."
I draw a deep breath as I try to do as she instructs, but each time I try to reach for that flicker of my inner beast, it slips away.
“It’s not working," I huff.
“Something must still be blocking you,” she replies calmly. “Try thinking of it like… imagine that your wolf’s behind a wall, or in a box….”
"How about a cage?” I murmur.
"Yes!” she exclaims, squeezing my hands in her grip excitedly. “Okay, a cage. Picture exactly what that cage lookslike, then imagine walking up to the door and turning the key in the lock.”
In my mind’s eye, the cage starts to take shape; a square box with thick, rusted bars. A snarling black wolf is locked inside, panting and thrashing at the steel enclosure. Just as it fully comes into focus, though, a sharp pain lances through my skull and the image slips away.
“Damnit,” I groan, shaking my head in frustration.
“It’s okay,” Avery says gently as I blink my eyes open. “It felt like you got closer that time, my own wolf perked up.”
“Yeah?” I breathe.
She nods, smiling in encouragement. “Now that you’ve got the basic idea, let’s try it a different way. Your wolf seems to respond when mine's out, so I'm gonna shift again, and as soon as I do, unlock that cage door.”
My head bobs up and down eagerly as Avery takes a step back, her hands slipping from mine.
Once again, her shift is effortless. The air around her shimmers like diamonds, bones popping, body rearranging. The second it clears and I meet her wolf’s eyes, pain explodes in my skull.
I grit my teeth and fight through it this time. I clutch my head as I picture the cage. I bellow a roar as I turn the key. My skin burns and fur starts to sprout, the snap of my bones taking me to my knees. Even though it’s excruciating, I wrap my hands around the bars of the cage in my mind and yank the door open, succumbing to the beast within.
The pain ebbs away as quickly as it began, and I look down at my big black paws through my wolf’s eyes, blinking in stunned surprise.
Holy shit. I actually did it.
As I lift my head, Avery’s wolf pounces on mine gleefully, knocking me to the ground and licking my face. I paw at her, and we tussle in the dirt for a few moments before boundingto our feet and jogging around the perimeter of the clearing, my movements fluid and my mind shockingly clear.
Last time I shifted, I felt like a spectator in my own brain. This time, though, it's like I’m in the passenger seat of the car rather than just watching it speed by from the roadside, and I finally understand what Avery meant when she said that me and my wolf are one and the same. Right now, he doesn’t feel like a separate entity, lurking in the shadows of my consciousness. I’m the beast, and the beast is me.
Since I’m not panicking and getting shot at this time around, I can actually enjoy embodying my wolf. I can appreciate the way the breeze feels as it ruffles my fur; the warmth of the earth beneath my paws. That wild, free feeling soaring through every molecule of my being.
After trotting around for a few more minutes, Avery shifts back into her human form, and that’s when I realize she left a key part out of her lesson: how the hell to change back. I sit back on my haunches, a whine slipping from my throat.
“You don’t know how to shift back,” Avery muses, as if it just occurred to her. She strides in my direction, coming to a stop in front of me and crouching down so we’re at eye level. Her fingers sink into the thick fur of my neck, the tip of her nose grazing mine as she leans forward to stare into my eyes. “Focus on what it feels like to be human,” she instructs. “How it feels to inhabit your body, how it moves. How our bodies move together. Put your wolf back in his cage, but don’t lock the door this time.”
I draw a breath, focusing my mind exactly how she tells me to, and slowly, I feel the beast start to pull back. Of course, that’s also when the pain starts. I grit my teeth as my bones begin to snap, my growl turning to a groan as thick black fur recedes into my burning skin. I squeeze my eyes closed, and when I open them, I’m crouching on the ground, panting to catch my breath...
“You did it!” Avery exclaims, launching herself toward meas I push up to stand. She flings her arms around my neck with a squeal, leaping into mine and wrapping her legs around my waist. I laugh as I spin her around, then the realization that we’re butt-ass naked seems to hit us both at once and we jolt apart, quietly regaining our composure.
Avery combs her hair back with her fingers, a faint blush painting her cheeks. “How did it feel to finally shift?” she asks.
“Still fucking hurt,” I growl.
She rolls her eyes, cocking out a hip. “But less than last time, right?”