Page 42 of Indescribable Love

“My grandmother came over to pick me up. We went shopping for groceries, and when we got to her house, we made homemade mac and cheese.” She laughed softly. “We’d never made it before and I thought it would be fun to have. My grandfather complained because it wasn’t pasta the way he wanted it, but after he tried it, he announced it was his new favorite dish.”

This time her pause was long and he didn’t dare say anything, but he was holding his breath because he knew what was coming.

“They were driving home from dinner. My father’s blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit and he was driving the wrong way on the highway. Basically, he was drunk and speeding and probably distracted. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that they were arguing. It was a head-on collision and they were both killed instantly. So was the driver of the car they hit.”

Simon felt her tears on his chest and shoulders as he held her tight. “Oh God, Juliette. I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say.”

And he didn’t. It didn’t matter that this happened over twenty years ago; there was no way that pain was any less for her, or that his sympathy was any less sincere.

“I became an unholy terror after that,” she went on. “I lashed out in all the stereotypical ways. I was in trouble in school all the time, I terrorized the neighborhood, and I was just awful to my grandparents. But they never gave up on me. They helped me see that I wasn’t acting out because I was a bad person; it was because I was hurting, and it was the only way I had to cope. Eventually they sent me for counseling and even though I was only twelve when I started going, I knew it saved my life.”

He continued to hold her because there wasn’t anything else he could do. There was no way of him knowing if there was anything else she was going to say, and he didn’t want to just abruptly change the subject.

“That’s why I’m a little…you know…stiff at times, Simon. I keep people at a distance because…”

“Because you’ve lost so much,” he finished for her.

“Exactly.” She let out a long breath. “Sorry. I know that was a lot of information to dump on you when we were having such a good night.” Lifting her head, she smiled sadly down at him. “I promise not to do that again.”

His heart was hammering in his chest and he felt like maybe her confession wasn’t such a bad thing because he had one of his own.

“While we’re deep into this kind of conversation, I feel like I owe you an explanation of my own.”

“Oh?”

Nodding, he gently guided her head back to his shoulder. “My parents had a crappy marriage as well,” he said gruffly. “It was one of those things where they met in college, got physical way too fast, realized they weren’t particularly compatible, and then found out my mom was pregnant.” Shaking his head, he continued. “They both dropped out of college—my mom wanted to become a nurse, and my dad thought he was going to play football professionally.”

“So Jax takes after him…oops, sorry,” she whispered, but he laughed softly.

“It’s okay, and yes, Jax takes after him. Anyway, they had Noah and then, a little less than two years later, they had me. But, like you, I remember the fighting. Dad was a heavy drinker and so many times he would just disappear for days and then come stumbling home, looking and smelling like the bottom of a bottle of beer. It was awful.”

“That’s why…”

But he placed a finger over her lips. She’d been brave enough to share her story; he needed to be able to do the same.

“I developed an interest in music when I was young, and my father used to mock me unmercifully for it because it wasn’t manly. He expected Noah and I to be athletes, but it was never my thing. Noah did some and I’m ashamed to admit he protected me more than a brother should have to. Whenever my dad started to pick on me—usually when he was drunk and in a bad mood—Noah always stepped in to deflect his attention.”

“That’s terrible! Didn’t your father realize how talented you were?”

“If it wasn’t sports, he didn’t care. So I spent a good portion of my life being openly mocked, ridiculed, and basically terrorized by him. What he didn’t realize was that it just made me retreat more into music. That’s where I found my solace. Music—whether I was singing it or just listening to it—took me away from the crappy reality we were living in.” Pausing, he placed yet another kiss on her head. “My mom threw him out and he was gone for a while, but then she took him back. Then they found out they were pregnant with Jax. By the time he was three and knew how to throw a football, my father basically forgot all about Noah and me, and I can’t tell you how relieved I was.”

“Oh, Simon…”

“He hung around for a while—longer than he should have—but it was a lot of Mom throwing him out and then taking him back. It was a vicious cycle. He was screwing around all over town and he didn’t care who knew it.” Pausing, he sighed. “There’s more to it and none of it’s pretty. But here’s the thing, Juliette, he still has that pattern of going away and then showing back up when you least expect it. Every couple of years, he’ll pop up when I’m on tour. He never calls and I never know when it’s going to happen, but he shows up with his hand out. I’ve come to realize that Jax runs interference these days and chances are the old man would show up more often if it weren’t for my brother.”

He felt her tears on his chest again.

“I refuse to give him the satisfaction of having a part in this documentary,” he said fiercely. “He doesn’t deserve it. He’ll forget all about the years of abuse and disinterest, and want all the glory for what I’ve worked so hard for. And believe me, he’ll expect a big paycheck as well. That’s what I don’t want. That’s what I’m fighting for.”

Lifting her head again, she asked, “Why not just tell Mick? If he knew, you know it would never be brought up again.”

“Because it’s embarrassing. I don’t share that part of my life with anyone. Even Nikki doesn’t know everything. She just knows that there’s bad blood and I don’t want to see him.”

Her shoulders sagged as she whispered his name.

Reaching up, he caressed her face, wiping away her tears. “Juliette, I shouldn’t have to share a traumatic part of my life. Yes, I’m an entertainer who is very much in the public eye, but that doesn’t mean every aspect of who I am needs to be out there. The simple fact that I asked should have been enough.”

Turning her head slightly, she kissed his palm. “I agree. And you have to know I never would have pushed you for that information.”