Page 69 of The Sandbar saga

Chapter 26

Katie walked straightthrough the house and out to the pool when they got home from the beach. He stayed in the kitchen, watching her through the window. She was upset.

At her car, after having sex, she'd moved in to hug him, and he'd set her away from him. Ashamed of what he'd allowed to happen, he couldn't explain what was going on in his head because he had no words to describe the level of his love for her.

He'd gone into protection mode. All he wanted to do was spare her from the pain of loving him.

She'd driven off angry, hurt, confused. All those emotions he'd put her through.

He gave her every reason to believe in them because he'd weakened and selfishly took what he'd always wanted. She couldn't see how dependent she'd become in her relationship with him. He should've broken their contract back when she'd went to St. Mary's and referred her to another psychologist who could separate his personal relationship with his professional one.

He understood why he'd become obsessed with her from the beginning. His need to remain controlled and a constant in her life came from not disappointing himself. The urge to dominate and fix her drove him forward. He wanted to succeed where life had failed her and nurture her into understanding that she was loved.

He was human, after all.

His own need to control his life had spread to his relationship with Katie. It wasn't only easy to fulfill his own natural desires by taking care of her, but to prove to himself he would not end up like his father.

The bastard had shown the world what kind of man he was. Successful on the outside, running the hospital, a family, a prestigious house on the ocean, and the respect of every doctor who worked for him. His father had expected Race to get perfect grades, attend the best colleges, and follow in his footsteps with an MD after his family name.

And, he'd strived to do just that.

Until he learned the ugly truth of what happened behind closed doors. His father's life leaked into the light when his mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. The debilitating disease never fit into his father's perfect life.

The older Race got, the more he realized the women always calling the house, pulling his dad away from his mom, played a part in the way he'd grown up.

His mom was expected to turn a blind eye because she was no longer able to physically satisfy her husband. From what he'd found out, his father's affairs started before his mom's diagnosis. Probably before Race was born.

When he was twenty years old—Katie's age, his dad died from a heart attack on the way to meet one of his mistresses. That was the end of Race's need to make his dad proud of him.

He'd gone through his wild, rebellious years while in college. Discovered what drove him and what he wanted in his life. He'd pulled it together by the time he went to grad school. Sometime during those years, he stifled his need to control every aspect of his life to concentrate on starting a career.

He'd changed his study from medicine to psychology. The desire to be disciplined, a rule follower, the perfect psychologist who cared, treated, and guided his patients to a better life became his goal because he had no time for a private life.

Then Katie came into his life, and he found himself feeding off her dependence on him. Now it was too late.

He loved her with all his being.

In the soft glow of the afternoon light, blocked by the trees, Katie curled her legs in one of the lawn chairs and stared out into the yard or maybe the pool. He couldn't see her face, only her back. But the slope of her shoulders told him all he needed to know.

He needed to let her go, and he couldn't break their relationship off without helping her adapt. He struggled with his own need to hold on to her and his code of ethics of seeing their professional relationship through.

Needing time to pull himself together, he made an orange juice slushy with malt because he knew it was one of Katie's favorites.

He walked outside and sat down beside her, handing her the drink. When she made no move to take it, he put it on the side table behind him and pulled up another lawn chair.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

She stared straight ahead. "I don't want to talk. I don't want you to talk. I absolutely hate when we talk, because it's insulting."

"Why do you think...?" He stopped himself. "I would never want to insult you."

She glanced over at him. "Then, don't come to me and act like we've got an hour or two hours to talk as if I'm paying for an appointment with you. I don't need your guidance anymore. I haven't in a long time."

He would disagree. There were patients who had no reason to continue seeing him but liked the added insurance of unloading on someone they trusted. Katie was far from accepting her issues that stemmed from childhood.

A lot had to do with her age. While she'd been forced to grow up early and deal with problems most adults couldn't handle, she still needed to find herself, trust herself, know herself. An impossible thing to teach. Only experience and maturing would see her through the next stage of her life.

He could support her along the way, but he needed to step back and let her learn on her own.