Page 237 of Mountain Men Heroes
Deacon’s wife died in a car accident two years ago. She’d been one of the sweetest women I knew, petite with full-blown curves and an easy smile. Everyone loved her and she loved everyone.
When she and Deacon married, our family loved to tease the pair. Deacon was her exact opposite—big and gruff and stoic. But anyone who laid eyes on them together could see how well they fit. She softened some of Deacon’s rougher edges. He protected her like she was the most precious treasure on the planet.
But you couldn’t protect people from everything. She’d been driving home from her job in the local flower shop, a road she’d driven a million times before, on a clear evening. Nobody could figure out exactly what caused her car to go off the road, but she’d slammed into a tree with enough force that she’d been killed instantly.
And Deacon might as well have climbed into her grave beside her. Now he only went through the motions of living. He kept his store open, and because of the tourists and sportsmen the area attracted, he didn’t have to try hard to keep it afloat. He ate his dinner at the diner in town, ordering the same thing every night. He ate mechanically, shoveling his food in steadily until his plate was cleared. He barely acknowledged the people around him, no matter the efforts they made. He treated everyone to the same blank-eyed stare.
The only thing he did that hinted at a sign of life was help collect donations for my shelter. I didn’t think he cared much about my animals, though. He did it for his soulmate—a woman he loved like I loved my men. She’d been like me when it came to animals. Always had a soft spot for them, and she’d been the one who convinced him to put a donation collection in his store for the shelter animals. Continuing to do it after her death was something he did for her, keeping her memory alive long after she was gone.
And as I held his stare, I felt like I was seeing myself. My future.
Judging by the scars and marks I’d found on their bodies, Dyson and Eeli were lucky they made it home the first time. Going back in already carrying emotional wounds, topped off with severing our connection, I didn’t hold out much hope either one of them would make it back to me.
My life yawned before me. A life of bleakness that never fully left my eyes. A life of going through the motions, like my body moved because of some deep-rooted muscle memory, but no real spark of life existed below the surface.
“Clara?” Deacon’s gruff, little-used voice finally broke the spell.
Too bad my thoughts weren’t squashed down as easily. I couldn’t fight the sob climbing my throat.
“I’m sorry. I’ll come back later.” I barely made it back to my truck before I broke down. They wanted to leave me and with them would go everything that meant anything to me—my love of music, my passion for caring for the animals, my joy in being with my family.
I knew down to my soul that all of it would just leave the taste of sawdust and ashes on my tongue and a gnawing hollowness in my gut once they tore themselves away from me and our special bond.
After a few days of hope and a hint at a lifetime of love, I had nothing left to look forward to.
As I sat there, Deacon stepped out of his shop, staring at me in my truck. I blinked back my tears and straightened my shoulders. Time to practice going through the motions.
I gave him a wan smile and wave as I pulled out. A glance at the clock on the dash told me it was time to go back and do another round of cleaning and feeding. Without thought, I put the truck in gear and paid very little attention to how I got to the shelter.
Might as well get used to going through the motions now. I had a lot of years ahead of me of doing it.
Fourteen
Clara
Ihad my head stuck inside a rabbit cage when Trinity burst through the doors of the shelter. I spared her a glance over my shoulder and then turned back to my task of refilling a litter box full of Timothy hay.
Trinity waited about ten seconds before she’d had enough of the silent treatment. “No, no, no. Finish that and then get out here. You aren’t going to make me chase you all over God’s creation for two hours only to blow me off when I find you.”
Her words would normally be enough to elicit a laugh from me, but not today. I had no desire to laugh. Or talk. Or be in the presence of anyone not of the furry and four-legged variety.
But I knew Trinity wouldn’t leave until she’d gotten what she came for. So I shrugged, finished my job and closed the cage behind me. I rolled to my feet and faced Trinity.
“You found me.” I raised my arms out to my sides and then let them drop again. “As you can see, I’m fine.”
Her eyes narrowed on me. “Yes, I could tell by the way you went running out of the office with tears streaming down your face earlier that you’re fine.”
I shrugged, and for the first time all day, I could appreciate how I felt. Or maybe it’s how I didn’t feel. Because right that second I felt numb, like all the feelings had squished themselves together until I couldn’t feel one over the others so instead I just felt nothing.
Huh. Maybe I’d been wrong to dread feeling the blankness I saw behind Deacon’s eyes. Nothing was a hell of a lot better than what I was feeling earlier.
“Clara. Please, tell me what’s going on,” Trinity said softly.
I stared at her for a long second, studying the firm set of her jaw and the determined look in her eyes. I sighed. I knew that look. No way was Trinity going to just drop this. Might as well get this over with while the numbness lasted.
I walked over to a tall cage in the corner of the front room. I opened it and sat down cross-legged on the floor next to it. Two gray and white kittens came tumbling out. I grabbed a long stick with a feather attached to the end from a holder next to the cage and set the kittens scurrying to pounce on the bright red feather.
Trinity watched for a few seconds before she grabbed a cat toy, this one with a stuffed mouse on the end. She joined me on the floor, and with my attention trained on the playful kittens, I recited all the events of the last few weeks. I did my best to hold onto the numbness as I talked about Operation Separate and Conquer, the feelings that sprang up between the three of us, the night at the bar, and everything that unfolded up to when I ran out of the Kratos offices this afternoon.