Page 119 of Fight for You

"I'm sure," I reply, giving him my usual response. As much as I appreciate him for wanting to be here for me, I know L.A. is the last place he wants to be.

It's not like there's much for him to do anyway.

January is…fuck, I don't know. They keep telling me she's improving. She looks better. But they had to rush her back into emergency surgery four days ago when her catheter began filling with blood at an alarming rate, and her blood pressure almost bottomed out. After that, every time I left the room for even a few minutes, it seemed like there was some new setback.

I finally planted my ass in her room and told them I wasn't leaving unless they dragged me out. The setback shit stopped after that. Her blood pressure has leveled out, and her heart rate is within normal ranges. Her lab work all looks good, and they removed the drain tube from her stomach yesterday. They've been slowly weaning her off the ventilator. A few hours ago, they finally took it out completely and moved her to a step-down unit.

I've just been sitting beside her ever since, fascinated by the steady rise and fall of her chest. I can't seem to tear my gaze away.

They started weaning her off the sedation meds before they removed the ventilator, but she hasn't woken up yet. She's still on a lot of pain medication, so they think it could be a little while.

I'm desperate to see those emerald eyes. It's been too long since I last gazed into them.

"You aren't coming home, are you?" Tristan asks.

"I am home, man," I say, speaking softly. "January's always been my home."

"It's about fucking time. We'll miss you around here, but that's where you belong." He pauses. "You deserve happiness."

I think I'm actually starting to believe that myself. A shrink has been by several times to check in and see how things are going. He's not terrible. I don't necessarily like the dude, but he's honest and calls me on my bullshit when I try to feed it to him. I respect the fact that he's willing to tell me like it is, even when I don't want to hear it.

It's a start.

Once January is out of here, I think I'll continue seeing him. At least for a little while. I've got a lot of shit to work out.

I'm still waiting to hear whether or not I'm going to be charged with the murders. No one's said much about it. Hernandez stopped by once to talk about what went down with Kaleo. It was awkward as fuck. He's a good dude, but I'm still pissed Kaleo managed to get into January's house. After our conversation in his interview room, he was supposed to be looking for the fucker. It's not his fault he didn't find him—logically, I know that—but I'm still pissed about it.

He feels bad about it. At least, I guess he does. He apologized and said he wished like hell things had gone differently. That was the end of that conversation. He holds his cards close to his chest. I get the impression he doesn't share much with anyone.

I just want this done and over with. If I'm going to prison, I'd rather fucking know now so I can prepare January for what's coming. So I can prepare for what's coming.

Ames and Roman are convinced I'll be cleared. I think most of the people I know are more than happy to pin those murders on Kaleo and call it a day. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean…it's not like I want to go to prison. But I did the crime. Maybe I should be doing the time. I don't know. I haven't worked it out in my mind yet. A lot of shit is still percolating in there.

"You better come and visit!" Lillian shouts in the background.

"I'll try to visit," I tell her but don't make any promises I might not be able to keep. Her man will never forgive me if I make her cry. She knows I'm being investigated for murder but refuses to believe I might have actually done it. I adore her for believing in me so emphatically. I'm damn sure not about to shatter her illusion. I think Tristan knows the truth, but he isn't telling her either. Some truths are better left unspoken.

"Will you bring her with you?" Lillian asks, her tone hopeful as hell. "I want to meet her."

"If she'll let me." I'm a little worried January is going to kick my ass to the curb for good when she wakes up and realizes she almost died taking a bullet for me. I still can't fathom why she came back for me. The shrink says that's because my sense of self-worth is shit. Actually, he said it's opprobrious, which is the same thing. Opprobrious just takes longer to say.

He's probably right, but damn. She killed a man and then almost died herself trying to save my life. That's fucking with my head a little bit. She's too sweet to live with Kaleo's death on her conscience. I'm worried it's going to eat away at her. He deserved what he got, but I hate that she had to be the one to kill him.

"Of course she'll let you," Lillian says. "She loves you, Michael. Everyone does."

Jesus. I don't know what the fuck I did to deserve friends like her and Tristan, but I'm grateful as hell I have them.

"We'll let you go. Call us if you need anything," Tristan says.

"We love you, Michael!" Lillian shouts.

"Fuck. I love you and Tristan, too," I mumble, clearing my throat when my chest pulses with a strange mix of emotions I can't untangle. It's been…well, for-fucking-ever since I said that to anyone but January. Titan was the last person besides her that I spoke those words to. "You know I mean that, right? You're like a sister to me, and your man is my best friend. Hell, he was my only friend for a long fucking time. He helped keep me alive. I owe you both more than I will ever be able to repay. You made me feel human when I didn't want to feel much of anything."

"Jesus," Tristan mutters. "You don't owe us a damn thing, Michael."

"You kept him alive, too," Lillian whispers. "And we feel the same about you. You're a part of our family, and you always will be, whether you live in Los Angeles or Seattle. Now go be with your girl. And let us know when she's awake."

"Will do."