Page 78 of Never Kiss the Bad Boy
“We can just ignore it the way we always do? Is that your grand plan?” I demand of Dad, throwing my fork and knife to my plate, where they land with a loud clatter.
Dad sets his utensils down gently, his jaw steel and his eyes cold. “Fine, you obviously have something to say to me. Go ahead. The floor is yours.” He waves his hands, like he’s officially allowing me to speak.
“Kyle,” Cameron grumbles, trying to stop the runaway train I’m on, and I’m not surprised he’s the one coming to Dad’s rescue. He’s always on Dad’s side, because of all of us, he’s the one most like Dad.
“I know you’re not my biological dad. I always wondered why you hated me so much.” I huff a humorless laugh. “Guess I know now.”
There’s a chorus of confusion and ‘what’s he talking about?’ around the table, but I keep my attention on Dad, wanting to see his reaction and judge for myself whether he’s known or not. But he has an excellent poker face and I’m still not sure.
Dad blinks, and then his brows bunch together low over a harsh glare. “What in the hell are you taking about?” he spits out. “Of course I’m your father. I might not be the one you like, and you might think I’m shitty at it, but I’m the only one you’ve got.”
“So you didn’t know? You just treated me like shit, truly thinking I was your son. That might even be more fucked up, Dad.” I sneer the name I’ve called him countless times before—in love, in need, in anger, in frustration, and now, in disdain.
“Stop! Both of you, stop,” Mom shouts, putting her hand on Dad’s arm. He covers her hand with his own, and Mom turns to me, wanting a sign that I’m listening too. I scoff, rolling my eyes because I’m not surprised she’s taking his side. “Kyle, of course Charles is your father. What are you talking about?”
“I heard you on the phone, Mom. Talking about how Dad was working all the time, traveling and never home to be an actual parent like he was with the other kids, so you had to hire help for Kayla and Cole. Anders was here, helping with them, and then… boom, here I come.” I emphasize the words so she knows I heard it all, including the implication that Anders is my dad.
Mom presses her lips together, tilting her head as she looks at me in disappointment.
“I was talking to Natalie, my friend whose daughter just had twins. She’s struggling so I suggested she hire help, like I did, because Anders was a godsend for our entire family.”
“It sounds like it,” I snipe.
“Kyle Harrington, are you suggesting that I cheated on my husband?” Mom shouts, tears in her eyes. “You think I went outside our marriage? What do you think that makes me?” She stands from the table, the napkin in her lap falling to the floor. “I would never, have never, and will never cheat on the man that I love, and for you to think me capable of such an awful betrayal breaks my heart.”
With that, she whirls and runs from the room.
I make a move to go after her, pushing back from the table and standing, but Dad snaps, “Don’t you fucking dare.” He stands too, coldly placing his napkin on the table as he glares at me. “Anders helped your mother through the hardest moments she’s ever had as a mother. Until tonight.” He pauses, letting that sink in. “She loved the twins” —he cuts his eyes to Cole and Kayla but quickly returns his attention to me— “but five kids was harder than she expected, especially when she was healing after a long pregnancy and rough delivery. She was depressed, exhausted, and trying to do everything for everyone the way she always does. Having Anders here to carry some of that load saved her, saved her sanity, and saved our marriage because it gave her a moment to find herself again. After a while, she was able to let me love her—emotionally, and eventually, physically. She got pregnant with you on our anniversary, and it felt like a turning point, like a sign that things were gonna be okay.”
His words are hitting me like bullets, shredding everything I thought I knew about my parents. In considering that Dad might not be my father, I hadn’t really grasped what that would say about Mom. My focus was on Dad and how he'd failed me, so I never put together that I was saying Mom betrayed him.
Shame is weighing me down. I didn’t mean to hurt Mom. I only wanted to hurt Dad the way he’s hurt me so many times before. So, I deal with it the only way I know how—by lashing out.
“Then why do you hate me so fucking much?” I snarl, ripping at my heart through my shirt. “If I was some sign that everything was okay, why have you always hated me?”
He huffs a humorless laugh, shaking his head. “I don’t hate you. I love you. Even when you do stupid shit and I have to save you from yourself, I’ve loved you. But this?” He points his finger toward the door where Mom ran out. “I will never forgive you for hurting the woman I love. She’s your mother, but she’s my wife!” He roars that out, and I can feel his protectiveness over her. Any other time, I’d be glad for it, except this time, I’m apparently the threat to my own mother.
He strides from the room, his footsteps heavy on the marble floor, and then, from upstairs, a door slams loudly. He went to my mother, to comfort her… because of me.
“What the actual fuck, Kyle?” Cameron demands. He’s pissed and sounds like he’s ready to throw hands, which is surprising, not because I don’t deserve it, but because while Cameron is a monster in business deals, he’s not one to be physically violent. Ever. Of course it’d be me who could push him that far.
When I look at him, I see the chair beside him is empty. Grace. I didn’t even think of her before I laid into Dad. I hope Cameron got her out of here before things got too bad.
“You know how he’s always been with me. It made sense,” I argue, running my hands through my hair and gripping the strands as I stare unseeingly at my plate.
“We all know he’s not perfect, but he’s our dad,” Cameron says. “That’s never been a question.”
“It was for me!” I shout, planting my hands on the table and leaning toward Cameron. If this table wasn’t between us, I’d be throwing punches because the anger is bubbling up so hot and fast that I can’t process what just happened. And I am the one Harrington prone to fights, so they all instinctively lean away from my angry outburst. “It made sense that if I wasn’t his, he couldn’t love me the same as he does you, because that hurts less than the alternative—his being my dad, but not loving me. I guess I’m just not worthy.”
“He loves you,” Carter scoffs.
I whirl on him. “Do you know how many times he’s asked me why I can’t be like you? Or you?” I glare at Cameron. “Or you?” I turn my gaze to Chance.
“Not me,” Cole interjects flatly.
He’s got me there. Cole and I dealt with our feelings about our family in different ways. He bailed, I fought. I fought everything, everyone, even myself. Hell, maybe myself most of all.
“I was invisible, unimportant, forgotten. I still am. The only way anyone pays attention to me is if I’m blowing shit up. Well, here you go, a nice family dinner and I’m fucking it all up again, ruining everything in one fell swoop.” I hold my arms out wide, letting them take aim at me.