Page 72 of Never Kiss the Bad Boy
I don’t let her tell me anything that’ll make it sound okay, because it’s not, or absolve me of the guilt I feel over my behavior, because it’s deserved.
“We got home, and Dad was yelling at me. I didn’t give a fuck. It was the same old song and dance—he expected better of me, I was an embarrassment, and my brothers would never do something like that.” I grit my teeth at that one. Dad always liked to compare me to my older brothers, who by then were successfully working for him, killing it in college, taking the world by storm, or generally doing something Dad deemed worthy of a Harrington. “I stomped out of the house, taking one of his cars, and drove off hell-bent for destruction—my own.”
“What happened?”
I lick my lips, not wanting to tell her this part, but if I’ve gone this far, I might as well go all the way. “I went to that girl’s house, and she came right to me, running out with her dad yelling at her from the front door as she got in the car. I was cocky as shit and knew she would, so I laughed at him as we pulled away, right through their front yard. She said she was ready to go wherever I wanted. I told her I was going to hell, and she smiled, laughing like I was kidding. I was serious.”
Dani lays her hand on my thigh, and I lean back, putting my hands in the grass behind me and staring at the sky. “We drove forever, music blaring, singing along, and laughing at nothing. It felt good, like freedom and rebellion. At some point, we stopped at a gas station and she went in to pee. She came back out, waving a white stick around and grinning with tears in her eyes. She told me she was pregnant and the baby was mine.” I close my eyes, putting myself back in that moment. For a split second, I’d wanted her to be telling me the truth. It would’ve been the ultimate way to piss off my dad. But I’d known it wasn’t my baby, even as she held up the test. “I looked her dead in the eyes and told her I knew she was pregnant from her ex. Her best friend had told one of my friends that she was gonna pin the pregnancy on me to get at my family’s money, and he'd told me about her scheme right away.”
“Holy shit,” Dani whispers, her hands covering her mouth.
“I think I wanted to see if she was really gonna go through with it, and when she did, something in me just snapped. The only thing she valued about me was my parents’ money. So much so that she was willing to lie.” I swallow down all the pain I felt then, putting it back into the deep, dark pit I force it into. “I gave her a couple of hundred bucks, told her to take an Uber back, and left her there. I didn’t go home at first. I kept driving, for hours and hours, miles and miles. But eventually, I had to go back. Mom was panicked, Dad was furious, but that was nothing new. And that night, when I was lying in bed, I knew something had to change. I had to change. So I did.”
I look Dani in the eye, wanting her to hear that as much as she heard all the other shit I just spewed. “That’s not who I am, not who I’ve been for a long fucking time, even if they still think I am. I cut the apron strings, the purse strings, and all the ties my dad held over me and walked away. I rebuilt myself, brick by brick, from the ground up. Hell, from beneath the dirt, digging holes ten feet down every day and earning my name for the first time in my life. This is who I am now, and I won’t ever be more than this because I’m fucking proud of where I am, even if I’m ashamed of what I did to hit rock bottom first.”
I can see her thinking through everything I’ve said, weighing it for truth and making a decision, not on dinner, but on me. She clears her throat and says, “I won’t judge you by your lowest low because I also don’t think you’ve hit your highest high yet.” She pins me with a look, making sure her words land, but the fact that she’s still sitting here with me and not looking at me with disgust is surprising to me.
I would run from me. She should run from me. I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve anyone.
“I know we joked about it, but I like you, more than I’ve liked anyone for a long time, and I like me when I’m with you. I’m deeper, more real, because you let me be more than the butt of a joke.” I meet her eyes, which are dark with thoughts I can’t read. “But I’m scared to death I’m gonna fuck up what we have, what we’re developing, by not being enough… because I’ve never been enough for anyone. And by telling you the one thing about myself that most people have found value in, I’m hoping you will still choose me… not because of the money, but in spite of it because I will never touch a single penny of it and you need to understand that. If I’m not enough to be your first choice as just a dirty-mouthed, hard-working hole digger who spends every day covered in dirt, chlorine, and dog hair, please tell me now before I fall for you even more.”
She leans back the way I am, stretching her legs out with her arms behind her, and doesn’t meet my eyes as she speaks. “My family has worried about money every day of their lives. We’ve had to skip one bill to pay another, gone without, and taken charity that broke my dad’s spirit. I grew up knowing that I would have to drive myself to the ground to get by. I was working in elementary school—doing homework at the restaurant, learning to count by closing the till every day, and scrubbing the floors with a mop taller than I was. By high school, I was working full-time and not making a dime because Mama and Papa couldn’t afford to pay me. Every cent was for the family. Even now, my brother and I do everything we can for them—whether it’s paying bills or buying them food. So yeah, money has value. Dollars and cents are as real to me as this ground beneath us because they mean stability.”
My head falls. I can’t relate to a life like what Dani is describing, and I wish things hadn’t been that hard for her, but neither of us can go back and change the past now.
“But,” she says, and I turn my head her way, a tiny glimmer of hope trying to shine but I squash it out, not wanting to risk getting hurt any more. She keeps going, “But I’ve seen how hard you work, your pride in what you’ve earned, and who you are, and that is more important than your bank balance. Or your parents, which I don’t give a shit about, and fuck all those girls who made you feel like that was all you had to offer. You, Kyle Harrington, the annoying asshole who’s putting in a big, dirty hole at my arch enemy’s house and has a dog with zero manners, and somehow makes me mad and turned-on all at the same time with the things that come out of your mouth, are what has kept me up nights, made me climb on your bike and into your truck and onto your dick, and has had me losing my shit in pubic and in private. You have value, you are worth my time, attention, and affection, and you are not my first choice.” She waits for me to look her fully in the eye. “You’re my only choice. I’ve avoided every single man who’s tried to lock me down too, afraid to end up like Mama. You’re the only one who’s put up with my bullshit long enough to get through my bitchiness, figure out what I need, and then offer it up on a silver platter.”
“I don’t do silver platters,” I say, a smile trying to form on my lips. “That’s my grandma’s style.” I’m falling back to old habits, lightening the heaviness of the moment because we’re both throwing out some painful honesty, and neither of us is accustomed to that.
She sighs as she smiles too. “You know what I mean. I don’t need or want fancy shit. I want a man who adds to my life and isn’t just another person for me to take care of. I want someone who takes care of himself, who can take care of me even when I say I don’t want him to, and helps me live a life that’s not stuck in survival mode. Where there’s happiness and laughter, not only worry and fear. And that’s not about money. It’s about… heart.”
She lays her head on my shoulder, and I can nearly hear her thinking even over the thoughts whirling though my own mind. After a few minutes, she asks, “This is why that police officer changed his tune, isn’t it? Your family name and connections?”
I dip my chin, nodding. “Yeah. As wrong as it is, with money comes privilege, and my parents have more than God. So do my brothers and sister, for that matter. Everyone but me.”
“Because you’re somehow the black sheep of the family,” she says. It’s not a question, just a statement, so I nod again.
“So, do you still want to go to my family dinner?” I ask, feeling like I already know the answer.
“I’m ready to go wherever you want, even if it’s to hell,” she answers, quoting that long ago girl who tried to use me. But Dani’s not using me. She’s letting me use her, willing to go war as my shield.
Ironically, I think my family might be the ones who need protection… from her.
“Okay, then let me tell you what to expect…”
CHAPTER 23
DANI
Iget up, dusting my ass off, and hold a hand out to Kyle to help him up. He gives me a one-sided smirk as he takes my hand, but he doesn’t let me pull him. Instead, he tugs me back down and I clumsily land on top of him, but he effortlessly breaks my fall, catching me in his arms. He presses a gentle kiss to my lips, cupping my jaw. “Thank you,” he breathes against my lips.
“For what? Not being a gold digger? That’s a pretty low bar you’ve got,” I tease, though there’s a hint of anger woven in the words. Not for Kyle, but for all those girls in his past.
“No, for being you. And for letting me be me.”
He kisses me again while I’m thinking that should be the bare minimum with a partner. And if there’s one thing Kyle deserves, it’s more than the bare fucking minimum. He’s a catch, and I know it, and it has absolutely nothing to do with finances.
We climb back on the bike, the rumble of the engine filling the silence, and Kyle takes off.