Page 52 of The Saloon Girl's Only Shot

“I was so humiliated, I didn’t want my father to know any of it, but Adelaide realized we’d stop seeing one another and asked me what was going on. I broke down and confided everything. I thought we were finally talking as women, but she was horrified. And terrified I might be pregnant. Even though I wasn’t, she insisted I leave. She said I was no longer a suitable influence on her children, especially my little sister.”

“And your father allowed her to treat you that way?” His heart ached for her, it really did.

“Papa had been paying for my classes and I’d stayed at home a lot longer than other women my age. I understood why she wanted me to marry and make my own life. I understood why she was furious that I had thrown everything away, even the teaching career I wanted. What was Papa to do? Pick me, an adult who should have known better, over the rest of my siblings? I just thought...” Her breath caught on a sob. She reached out to scratch Clarence’s ear as he came to lay beside her. “We had received Mr. Gardner’s letter a few weeks before all of that happened. When Adelaide kicked me out, I thought if I came away with Papa and showed her that I help him support the rest of the family, she would come around.”

“Then your father fell and left you here while he traveled home.”

“Yes.” She pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve and blew her nose into it. “If I could teach or do something respectable, I would, but I’ve made poor choices here too. Now people are seeing me for the fallen woman I am. How am I supposed to go on?”

“Christ, Temperance. This is...” He couldn’t call it ‘nothing.’ That would be cruel, but her mistake was such a small, single tear in an ocean of them. “Do you know what I’ve done? I talked Virgil into leaving his wife and children to chase an illusion.”

“Gold? But you found some.”

“Not in California. You want to know why I’m helping Mavis? Because I still feel so damned guilty about Clara. Virgil sent all his wages and half of mine back to her, but it wasn’t enough.” Clara had had to take in boarders, and Virgil was raising the product of that. He didn’t resent the boy, but it still hung on Owen’s conscience that he’d pushed Virgil to come with him and put his friend in the position he was in.

“He was a grown man, though,” Temperance said softly. “It was his choice to go with you. It’s not your fault that he did.”

“He would say he was as gold-fevered as I was, yes.” He had said it. “We both came from nothing and were willing to do anything for something. Virgil never would have gone if I hadn’t been so adamant, though. He worries I can’t look after myself because...” He waved at his head, even though it went beyond the fact he couldn’t read. “What does it say about me that he thought a woman with a baby and another on the way was better able to look after herself than I am?”

“Owen.”

“No, listen. That’s not even the worst thing I’ve done.” He chewed the corner of his mouth, not having ripped open this wound in a long time, but he refused to let her eat her heart out over something that was no real character flaw. “I told you my little brother died. Linus. I was eight. He was four. He couldn’t read, either, because he was too young. And he said?—”

This was when he always begged God to take him back to that moment and try, at least try to read the fucking sign.

“He said, ‘What does that sign say?’ I said I didn’t know. It was a hot day and I wanted to go swimming.”

“Owen,” she whispered. Her hand came out, palm up, inviting him to accept comfort.

He refused. He closed his eyes and refused to let the pain be anything less than devastating.

“There was a current. They found him down the river. I wish my father had beat me. I really do. Instead, it was just... Silence. We weren’t a rich family, but we got by. After that, though, he left. My mother lost what little we had. It was hellish misery for years, Temperance. Years of living in the town where everyone knew I was the kid who had caused his little brother to drown.”

“You were a child, though.” She leaned forward, catching at his hand.

He snatched hers up, holding it tight. Not enough to hurt, but enough to grip her full attention.

“If you’re prepared to forgive me for those things, then you need to forgive yourself for something that didn’t cause anyone any harm at all.” He released her.

Her mouth quivered and she pulled her hand back to tuck it under her elbow.

“I need to run out for a few minutes,” he said. “Make some coffee and work on my budget.” She’d been drawing pretty columns of numbers in the ledger book last night and seemed to take a lot of pride in it. “I won’t be long so think twice about starting a bath.”

Her somber expression softened a little. Her lashes came up. “I would have screamed, too, if Clarence goosed me while I was in my bath.”

“I didn’t scream.” He pretended to be offended. “I thought I handled it as elegantly as I could, under the circumstances.”

“Elegant.” Her cheeks went hollow. “Yes, that’s the word I was looking for.” Enjoyment crept into her eyes, which was a vast improvement from the guilt and gloom that had shadowed them a few minutes ago.

“I need to take the lady’s maid with me.” He rose and snapped his fingers at the dog.

“Don’t get rid of him!” she said with alarm, catching the dog around his neck with both arms to hug him close.

“I won’t. I’ll bring him back before I head out on the rest of my business.” He was reluctant to leave her, but now that he knew how badly she’d been treated—not just by Ivy, but by that bounder in Chicago—he wanted to do something to alleviate it.

“Owen?” she said in a small voice as he walked toward the door.

“Yes?” He turned back.