Page 88 of Scoring Chances

“Dad, Maddie! Dad. His mom let our dad die!” Cole screams pointing a finger at Joshua.

Joshua runs to him, I think he’s about to do something stupid. Something he’ll regret. He pushes Cole’s finger out of his face, grabs him by the shoulders… and pulls him into a hug.

Cole hits him. Trying to push him away. But Joshua just holds him. And eventually Cole stops pushing and just sobs into his shoulder. Babbling. “She could’ve saved him. She could’ve saved him.” He says it over and over. His legs give out and he drops to the floor, Joshua following him down. Still holding him tight as he shudders through uncontrollable sobs.

“What’s wrong with Daddy? Maddie says, looking around.

“Oh honey,” my voice cracks.

“Where’s Daddy Cole? What happened? Why is Cole crying?” I try to comfort the child, but she pushes at me and runs to her brother. Shaking him. “Cole where’s Daddy?”

The teenager doesn’t say anything. He lets Joshua hold him. And he grabs his sister and he holds her too.

The three of them are in tears. Maddie sobs into her brother’s chest.

She knows. She knows he’s not coming back. I stand there unable to control the tears falling down my cheeks.

I wish I could take away their pain. I wish tragedies didn’t have to destroy families like this. Happy families. Where Mommy’s loved their Daddy’s and Daddy’s loved their kids.

I sniff, and head up the stairs to find Parker. Hopefully he’s still watching the movie. Or even napping.

He won’t understand death. Not at two.

When I was two our dog died.

Mom said I would go talk to the little tree my older siblings planted to mark it’s grave. I did it out of habit.

I remember talking to that tree even at Maddie’s age. One day. I realized I was talking to a tree but I didn’t know why. So I just stopped.

I wonder if Parker will be like that. Mourning, because his brothers and sister mourn. But unaffected by pain like they are.

Maybe Parker out of all of them–is the one that’s spared. He’s spared from the loss. From the hurt. That’s associated.

To be young. Oh, to be young.

I check the movie room. But Cole's not there. I check his room. Also not there.

I look in every room, bathroom, closet.

Finally a panic sets in.

Could he have left?

I run downstairs. Joshua is holding Maddie and Cole.

"I can't find Parker!" I say to them.

Joshua looks up. "What?"

"Parker!" I call out. No answer.

Joshua and the kids all get up. "Maybe's he's stuck somewhere?"

"Parker!" Maddie calls out. "Parker come get ice cream!"

Silence.

We all disperse into different directions in search of the the little boy. We open doors. We check the basement. We look outside.