Page 96 of It Destroys Me

I was still fucking scared. Never been as scared of anything in my life. But I was already doing it, so maybe it wasn’t as scary as I thought.

“She’s gonna jump your bones when you tell her.” He grinned.

“She’s gonna jump my bones anyway,” I said. “She always does.”

We had dinner together at the dining table. Frank had hired a new personal chef who knew his way around the kitchen. Instead of being confined to our bedroom like we were most nights, we ate together in the dining room.

“How was work?” I asked.

“It was quiet,” she said. “I don’t think a single person came in.”

“What do you do when that happens?”

“I read. Or look at pictures of you on my phone.”

“I didn’t know you had so many pictures.”

“Oh, I snap them when you aren’t looking.” She smiled then dropped her eyes down to her pasta, where she spun it on her fork. “A nice little snack.” Her smile continued, the color coming into her cheeks. Once her pasta was secure on her fork, she placed the noodles in her mouth.

It was hard not to smirk.

“Sometimes when you’re in the gym, I crack the door and snap a photo. Yes, I’m a pervert, and I don’t even care.”

My smile spread wide and couldn’t be contained.

We continued to eat our dinner and exchange looks across the table. The last few weeks had been the best in our relationship because our obstacles were defeated. Now, it was just…easy. I couldn’t compare my relationship with Shayla to this, because even though she had been my wife, this relationship with Astrid had more substance. It lasted longer, and we’d survived more things together.

“When do you think you’ll go back to work?”

The subject had been broached. It was time.

“Not that I want you to go back, by any means. It’s been fun having you at home.”

“I’m not going back.”

“For how long?”

“Ever.” I set my fork down and locked my stare with hers.

She clearly didn’t understand, judging by the confusion on her face. She remained bewildered for seconds, her eyebrows up, her lips pressed tightly together like she tried to complete long division in her head. “I don’t understand.”

“That season of my life is over. It’s time for something new.”

Instead of looking pleased by the decision, she remained perplexed. “You’ve never given any indication that you wanted to retire.”

“I said nothing of retirement,” I said. “I’ll find something else…at some point.”

“Theo…” She pressed her lips tightly together as she found the words to speak. “I really hope you aren’t doing this for me. Because I would never want you to give up what you love. I would never ask that of you.”

“I am doing it for you.”

“Theo—”

“There is no other option, Astrid. Men are always going to want me dead, so you’re always going to be a pawn in this cruel game. I have to choose—and I choose you.”

Her argument died in her throat as the emotion flushed into her face. “I know you would always protect me?—”

“Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not going to find out.”