Page 27 of Billionaire Grump
“I’ve never been to the Hamptons.” Am I actually considering doing this?
“See? You’re not living your best life, Ive. You’ve been too mired in self-preservation and parenting that precocious little nerd. Who, by the way, is now fully realized and ready to go off and live his own life.”
“Hanging out with a total stranger and pretending to be his fake date sounds like it would be awkward as hell.”
Cleo smiles at me, sensing that I’m starting to cave. “You’re a born performer, darling. Just think of the money. You’ll be able to play the part like a freaking Oscar nominee. Enjoy the pool, drink your body weight in Moët and rub shoulders with the Hamptons elite for a weekend. It’ll be interesting at the very least. Oh, and you’ll be sleeping in the same bed.”
“What?” I huff a laugh. “Absolutely not.”
“No sex, of course. It’ll probably be a ridiculously big king-sized bed. Just keep to your side and it’ll be fine.”
“Cleo, I’m not?—”
“As I said, your performance needs to be really convincing, down to the tiniest detail. The ex is cunning. If she gets a whiff that this is anything but true love, I’ll have to get Noah his coffee every morning for a whole year. Which would be a nightmare. He’d milk it for all it was worth.”
“Ah,” I say, leaning back in my chair, fully resolved to definitely refuse to do this. “So this is a bet.”
“Not a bet, Ive. A plan. To stop Alexander’s nightmarish ex from hounding him all weekend. Noah and Colton have actually been really worried about him. He hasn’t been himself lately because he hates the thought of spending the weekend with her. He’s been miserable and even more grouchy than usual. Noah said he’s just…really sad.”
I fold my arms. She knows how to get to me, I’ll give her that much. I’m much more likely to agree to this now that she’s told me Alexander is in emotional turmoil. She’s appealing to my empathic side. But something occurs to me. “You’re Noah’s assistant. Don’t you get him coffee every morning anyway?”
Cleo rolls her eyes. “I’m an administrative and organizational genius, not a coffee girl.” Like I’ve insulted her.
I smile, despite myself. “And if the evil ex is convinced, then what?”
“Noah has to get me coffee for a year. Please, for the sake of my self-respect, you have to really lay it on, Ive.”
I ask her warily, “And how would I do that?”
“You know, sit on his lap, play with his hair, kiss him, that kind of thing.”
I laugh, biting my lip. “Would you listen to yourself? You can’t really expect me to do this, Clee.”
“Why not? It’s better than slouching around worrying about Josh all weekend. Which is exactly what you’ll end up doing.”
She doesn’t know the half of it.
At least a weekend away would distract me. If the cops show up, pounding on my door and wanting to question me, I won’t be there. I’ll be at a weekend-long party. Which actually sounds like more fun than sitting around, waiting to get busted.
“Just think about that cool two hundred big ones,” she reminds me.
I let it sink in. Josh could get the full college experience. He could live on campus and make a bunch of new friends and I could finally have some time to myself. I could start to relax after all these years of worrying about him. I could concentrate more on writing my music, without distractions. I could start dating. I might actually get a life.
For Josh, it’s worth it. And for me.
I inwardly cringe. I know I’m going to wildly regret this, but two hundred grand is two hundred grand. I’m sure I can put up with 48 hours of living hell for the rewards this windfall will offer me. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I’ll do it.”
Cleo’s eyes light up. “You will?”
“It’s only two days. I’m sure I can handle that. I hope. But I want the money in my bank account before four-thirty on Friday. I’ll put on a good act—if you make it crystal clear that I’m not doing anything…real. No sex or anything like that.”
Cleo nods earnestly. “Absolutely no sex. He said the same thing.”
“He did?”