Page 47 of Close Your Eyes

No.

The moment’s lost, and I meant what I said. I do respect her.

She takes a seat along my white, plush sofa. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs. “I’m so sorry.”

I cross the floor and take a seat next to her on the couch. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” I say, and then I ask her what I’ve wanted to know all along. “Why him?”

She focuses her attention on her hands in her lap. “I had good reasons to marry Bane, but right now I can’t think of any of them.”

“Why are you still a virgin?” I ask her.

She blinks up at me. “It’s not like I set out to remain a virgin. For one, I never really liked anyone enough to give it away. After a while, it was easier and easier to save myself. Then, I got engaged to Bane, and he liked the fact I was a virgin.”

“Something to look forward to on the wedding night,” I say, my tone souring.

Chapter 16

Posey

Ever sat in a math class, or any subject really, and wanted to claw your eyes out because you hated the subject so much? That’s how I feel right now. I hate talking about Bane in any aspect. I hate it more when it’s with Ledger.

What I want to tell him is the truth. That I don’t want to marry Bane at all. That it’s merely a business deal.

“I also never felt like I deserved to have somebody love me,” I say truthfully.

His face morphs into confusion. “What do you mean?”

I resume my focus on my hands. I twist them in my lap as I try to articulate what exactly I mean. “I don’t know,” I start. “I guess because my mother never loved me. She left without a care in the world. She never called to check on me, or anything. After that I vowed to never let myself get too close to anyone so I could never feel like that again if they ever decided to leave me.”

Ledger sits in silence, listening to me. Having his attention on me makes my nerves take flight. When he kissed me earlier, I nearly melted into him. I would have begged for anything. I would have given him anything to touch me. To keep kissing me.

I would have sold my soul for him to claim me right here. I would have given my life for one moment with him.

But he respects Bane. He respects what we have together. Is it bad that I don’t? I would have happily cheated on Bane with Ledger. Does that make me a horrible person? Can you really call it cheating when Bane holds no piece of my heart?

I don’t.

But I respect Ledger, and his feelings. I don’t want to lay that guilt on his shoulders.

The other reason I’d never cheat on Bane is because I know he’d kill Ledger—hell, my father too, if he ever found out. He’d take great pleasure in making me watch the horror before he killed me as well.

I almost want to cry when I think about my life. My impending wedding. My mother leaving. How do you leave somebody you love? Someone you gave birth to?

I don’t understand it.

Ledger places his hands over mine, and I glance up at him. “I’m so sorry, Posey. I don’t know why your mother left, but she’s a fucking idiot. She definitely missed out on getting to know you.”

A tear traces down my cheek. “She is a fucking idiot, isn’t she?”

Ledger laughs lightly, and the sound sends shivers racing down my back. I like making him laugh. Making him smile. I want to keep doing it. “She is. But it’s her loss. You’re an amazing woman, Posey. I’m happy I’ve gotten to know you like I have.”

I want him to kiss me again. The seconds tick by, and my heart pumps in my chest.

He tugs his bottom lip between his teeth like he’s thinking about it, but he doesn’t make a move.

I could make a move.

However, I don’t because again, I respect him.