Page 26 of The Accidental Dating Experiment
Juliet’s mom chuckles, then pats my arm. “I always liked when Sawyer brought you home.” She shifts her attention back to her daughter. “Can you help? You two are the dating experts, and I just don’t know where to start. How do I even winnow them down? There are so many.” She wrings her hands at the quandary.
“Yes, it is a problem,” Juliet says flatly, as if she can’t wrap her head around her mom’s entrance into the dating pool from a ten-meter diving board.
“With only an online bio, how can you tell what someone’s really like?” Harriet asks.
Without her saying a word, I know what Juliet’s thinking. She’s a dating veteran, and even she can’t quite tell. “It’s hard to work that out,” she admits sadly.
Harriet pats Juliet’s hand. “Oh right, sweetheart. Whatever happened with the artist? Did you have your ExtraDate?” She sounds hopeful as she sketches air quotes. “But of course you did. You always had such good people skills. You’re a great judge of character. When is the third date?”
There’s so much genuine hope in Harriet’s voice. It’s fun to see the tree that Juliet and her sunny disposition fell from.
But Juliet winces, and my heart hurts for her as she says, “It didn’t. We weren’t a good fit.”
She’s too nice. Too kind. “He was a jerk,” I bite out with a ferocity that surprises me. But the intensity fuels me too. “A cheese douche who didn’t deserve your daughter, Harriet. He was a narcissistic, self-centered bad boy whose emotional growth was stunted at the age of two and whose self-improvement ended at potty training.”
Harriet growls, going full mama bear as she whips her gaze to Juliet. “Where is this man-child? I’ll give him a piece of my mind.”
Juliet pushes her hands down toward the table, a sign to let it go. “It’s okay. Let’s move on. Let’s look at your guys.”
But Harriet won’t relinquish the post-mortem. “Don’t let a bad date get you down, Juliet. And do not settle for someone who doesn’t deserve you. You deserve the world.”
Juliet sighs. “Mom.”
Harriet turns to me, determination in her eyes. “Doesn’t she, Monroe?”
There’s no doubt in my mind. “She does.”
But Juliet’s had enough, shaking her head and pointing to the phone. “I’m on a dating break anyway. Let’s focus on you.”
Harriet’s not quite convinced. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“I’ve had a million bad dates,” Juliet says. “I’m over it.”
A million man-children. A million bad boys. A million guys who don’t deserve her. That’s part of her problem, too, I’m just realizing. She deserves someone who gives his whole heart. Who’s open and open-minded. Who’s funny and hopeful and kind. Someone who’s capable of a big, bold love. Someone who agrees to ride a bike because she knows you want to.
That’s why she said yes to the ride into town. Then, she stepped into the uncomfortable conversation with Agatha to prop me up in front of one of my dad’s fans. And now, she’s not even throwing shade on Mister Cheese Douche, who I sincerely hope slices jalapeños one night then forgets to wash his hands before he jacks off.
No wonder she hasn’t met a decent guy. There’s hardly anyone worthy of her. The odds are not in her favor.
Because she deserves the best. She is the best. As I watch her from the other side of the booth, a part of me wishes I could be that guy for her.
Just the small, emotional part of me though. The intellectual part knows I can’t be that guy and is fine with that. With my dad uninterested in parenting after my mom’s death, I learned to raise myself by only relying on myself. Now, I make sure other people have the tools they need for connection, love, and intimacy so they don’t have to feel the way I did growing up. Love isn’t my thing, personally. I’ve tried it, have the scars to prove it, but I also have the wisdom I gained. I’m not good at big love, as evidenced by my failed marriage to Elizabeth. But I’m no good at tennis, either, and I’m fine with that too.
“The right guy is out there for you. I just know it,” her mom says.
“And for you too,” Juliet says gamely, shucking off her earlier surprise. She grabs her mom’s phone and waggles it. “Let’s do this.”
No wonder no one deserves her. It took only ten minutes for Juliet to turn her mood around.
When the ladybug pancakes arrive—chocolate chip, of course—we eat and select Harriet’s dates.
She seems tickled pink with the choices. “That’s three this week. Who knew online dating could be so fun?” She spears a piece of her pancake and eats it gleefully, like she didn’t just emerge from a merely okay marriage. Or maybe it’s just that she believes the future is brighter on the other side.
When she finishes chewing, she clicks her tongue, her brow scrunching as she turns to Juliet. “Now, sweetheart. I know you haven’t had the best of luck with online dating in the city. Why don’t you try it here in a small town where you might meet a nice man instead of one of those workaholic city guys?”
Wait.
What?