Page 80 of It Hurts Me

I didn’t know if she was still at the hotel. If she and Bolton had talked. If they would get back together, or she was set on her decision. I didn’t prefer her married, but I preferred her with no expectations. Because while I did care for her, dinners and hookups were all I had to offer. Her shovel had gone as deep as it could before it hit rock, and she would never go deeper than that.

I hoped she hadn’t left him for me, because she would be disappointed.

Axel texted me. Just making sure you’re still breathing.

Not breathing. Smoking.

I’ll take it. Figured out what to do about Bolton yet?

I didn’t respond.

That’s a no.

She left him.

Then you should be balls deep in her instead of talking to me.

I’m not.

That’s it. I’m coming over.

I didn’t shut down the offer, because I’d been sitting there alone for two days without any direction. I was a man of action. I just did shit when I felt like doing it. But now, my hands were bound by my invisible cords, and my brain had ceased to function.

Almost an hour passed before he dropped into the armchair across from me. I’d already put out my cigar a while ago, so he didn’t light up one himself. I must have looked like shit since he didn’t fire off questions or taunts. He sank into the chair and watched me.

“It’s the first time in my life where I don’t know what to do.”

“If you torture and kill Bolton, she doesn’t need to know it was you.”

“But I would know.”

“You’re the one who told me I should just kill Dante. Now you know how complicated that would have been. But in my case, I loved Scarlett. And you…I don’t know what your deal is.”

“I care for her, but that’s it.”

“That’s it?” he asked.

“I’m afraid she left him for me, even though I have nothing to offer her.”

“You said it was clear you didn’t want anything.”

“I thought it was.”

“Then why do you assume that?”

Because of the way she looked at me. The way she touched me. The way she said she wanted to be with me without something separating us. The way…the way the air felt when we stood in a room together. “I just do.”

“The fact that you didn’t tear Bolton’s head off means your feelings for her are stronger than your need for revenge.”

“It means I’m a disgrace to my brother. I know.”

“Knowing Killian, he would have told you to pick the woman because he’s already dead. No amount of revenge is going to change that. And it’s not your fault that Killian got killed. That was the result of his own tumultuous decisions.”

I wasn’t sure if I could live with myself if I didn’t bury my brother. If I didn’t find a rightful place for his bones. Maybe Bolton didn’t even have them anymore. Maybe whatever he would give me would belong to someone else. I could do a DNA test to figure out that since we were identical.

“I know you feel more for her than you say, Theo. And I know why you pretend.”

I tried not to think of her because it was easier not to.