Page 74 of It Hurts Me

“Yes.”

“Then what’s he going to think when he realizes someone killed all of his men but spared him?”

“I don’t fucking know, Axel.” He might be able to follow the clues that led back to me, but since we were already enemies at war, it didn’t make much of a difference.

“You’re fucked, you know that?”

“We already want to kill each other, Axel. It doesn’t change anything.”

“But if he knows it was you and you chickened out, he’s going to wonder why.”

“Let him wonder,” I said coldly.

“He’s a smart guy,” Axel said. “He knows his wife is sleeping with other people?—”

“I don’t know if he knows.”

“He’s got to assume his wife has fucked someone at some point in the last six weeks. And even if he doesn’t, he’ll figure it out eventually. Once he does, he’ll piece it together. That you walked in there to kill him but saw Astrid and changed everything.”

I rested my chin on my closed knuckles as I stared at him. “That’s a bit of a reach.”

“Not if she tells him who she’s fucking.”

I gave a shrug. “It’s done, Axel.”

“Why didn’t you do it?”

“Did you hear what I said?” I snapped. “He’s married to Astrid.”

“What does that matter? He treats her like shit, and he’s the one responsible for Killian’s death. And you just let him walk away?”

I looked away, feeling the self-loathing wash over me.

“I don’t understand, Theo.”

“Astrid has chosen to stay in that marriage, so she still loves him.” It hurt to say the words out loud, marked my tongue with acid. Sometimes I wondered if she thought about him when she was with me. I wondered if she thought about me when she was with him, and I hoped she did. “I can’t kill the man she loves.”

Axel sank back into the couch as he stared at me. “And you say this woman means nothing to you…”

“I never said she meant nothing.”

“Bolton is the only one who knows who put that hit on Killian. There is no other way, Theo. So if you’re going to let him walk for Astrid, then damn, this woman means a lot to you.”

“It was an impulsive decision. I had less than a second to make it.”

“So, you are going to kill him.”

“I don’t know?—”

“How do you not know?”

“Get off my neck, Axel.” This had just happened hours ago, and I knew I was in deep shit. My men were utterly bewildered, and I was certain Bolton was confused-as-fuck right now. My twin brother was the only person who had known me my whole life…his whole life. Not to avenge him wasn’t an option. But to kill Bolton…wasn’t really an option either.

“I hope you like bullshit.” Axel stared at me for a while. “Because you’re ankle-deep in it now.”

15

ASTRID