Page 42 of It Hurts Me

“Fuck you. I’m not lying,” I snapped.

Axel stared me down. “Then why are you taking her to dinner?”

I grew frustrated at the line of questioning and almost reached for a cigar to dissolve the annoyance. “I asked her out, and she said she was married. But then her husband said he wanted an open marriage, so she asked me out. But she’s needed some time to get used to the idea of fucking someone besides her husband, so we’ve gone to dinner a few times. That’s it, Axel. That’s the whole fucking story.” I propped my cheek on my knuckles and waited for him to finally lose interest in this story.

But he looked just as confused as when I started. “Why are you wasting time with her, then? Instead of taking her to dinner, you could be fucking someone. You’ve taken her out multiple times, so it sounds like you like her. Have you fucked her?”

I continued my stare.

“You like her.”

“I think we have a lot in common.”

“Such as?”

Misery. “That’s between us.”

Axel put the cigar back in his mouth and let it sit there.

I continued to watch him. “Her husband is in the game.”

His eyes found mine again.

“I don’t know who he is or what he does. But she knew I was the Skull King when she looked at my ring. It’s a nice change, being with a woman who’s unafraid of who I am and my world.”

“That means you could be in deep shit if you get caught.”

“It’s an open marriage—that he asked for.”

“But I doubt he expected her to fuck you, of all people.”

I gave a shrug. “I don’t care.”

“Because she’s worth it?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth, asshole.”

“That’s why it was a question and not a statement. Asshole.”

I finally grabbed one of the cigars and lit up because it seemed like this conversation was nowhere near finished.

“It’s okay to like someone, Theo.” His voice was suddenly gentle. “You know that, right?”

I turned to look at him, the cigar hanging between my fingertips.

“I want you to have what I have.”

Memories flashed across my mind, the kind I wished I could erase from my memory. They said it was better to have loved and lost than not to love at all, but those people didn’t know shit about loss. Or pain. Or grief. Or anything. If I could do it all over again…I wouldn’t. “I did have what you have, Axel—and it haunts me every fucking day.”

9

ASTRID

I held the flute of champagne in my hand and eyed the hors d’oeuvres spread on the table, little pieces of bruschetta and filet mignon wrapped in crispy bacon. I’d already had enough to make my dress tighten over my stomach so I should exercise some self-control, but I was also bored.

Bolton was across the room, sitting in one of the armchairs, talking to his older brother with a glass of red wine in his hand. His light-colored hair was combed back away from his face, showing off the handsome features that made me fall for him the moment I saw him. He wore a serious expression, but his eyes had a light that never faded.

I still loved him despite the suggestion that broke my heart, but it was changing, slowly drowning with resentment and anger…and self-loathing. The worst part of this was knowing I wasn’t enough for him. That his desires had to be supplemented with women I didn’t have the courage to ask about.