Page 83 of This Woman Forever
“I was trying to prove a point.” And it backfired. All I’ve done is make her feel cheap and forced an epic retaliation. “And watch your mouth,” I grumble.
“No, Jesse,” she retorts. “You were trying to be a wanker.” Ouch. She wriggles, trying to free herself, and panic grabs me. She’s going to leave again? Not over the pills, but over me fucking her? “I need a shower,” she says as I beg her with sorry eyes not to go. I’m given an expectant glare in return. I’ll stop her this time, I swear. Hopefully not with force.
Reluctantly, I move off her, holding my breath as she gets up, wondering which way she’ll go.
The bathroom.
She closes the door, and I exhale my relief, hearing the tap run, followed soon after by the shower.
Make it right.
“How?”
Patience.
Hmmm. It’s not one of my finest qualities. I get up and go to the door, pushing it open gently, seeing her under the spray. I could go back at her. Point out all her misdemeanors. But I won’t.
Grovel.
I push off my boxers and step into the stall, putting my front to her back, reaching round to claim the sponge. “Let me,” I say, stroking across her wet tummy. I apply pressure, encouraging her to face me, and drop to my knees, starting to look after her.
Quiet. Patient.
And she lets me, because she knows I need this element of our relationship and also because, despite her fierce independence, she likes me taking care of her. I feel everything inside of me settle and silently thank her for giving me what I need in our chaos. Does she get that from me? Does she ever settle when I care for her? Does this bring her calm throughout her storm?
I can hear her mind racing. Hear the endless questions. Possibly not. “Where have you been since Monday?” she asks, and I smile at her thigh as I swipe the sponge across her skin.
“In hell,” I whisper, watching the water wash away the suds. “You left me, Ava.”
“Where were you?”
“I was trying to give you space.” I continue with my task, cleaning her, taking my time, savoring it, making up for the days I’ve lost. “I realize how I am with you,” I whisper. “And I wish I could stop myself, I really do.” God, I’ve tried. I’ve had endless conversations with myself over it. Listened to the people I love, those who are alive and those who are not. “But I can’t.”
“Where were you, Jesse?”
I’m about to answer her with another half answer, but then it clicks what she’s actually asking me. The fuck? She thinks I betrayed her again? Got blind drunk and fucked someone else?
Never.
“Following you,” I say quietly, reluctantly. But I’d rather she knows that truth—knowing I didn’t actually respect her request for space—than think I was lost in booze and women. “Everywhere.”
“For four whole days?”
Four whole days. Is that all it was? It felt like forty years. “My only comfort was seeing how lost you were too,” I say, looking up at her surprised face. Does she believe me? I get her on the floor with me, my hands all over her face, my lips unable to hold back from kissing her. She breathes my breath into her deeply, holding my wrists. “We’re not conventional, baby,” I say. “But we’re special. What we have is really special. You belong to me, and I belong to you. It just is. It’s not natural for us to be apart, Ava.”
“We drive each other crazy.” Her eyes scan mine, looking for me to confirm it. I don’t need to. “It’s not healthy.”
It’s healthier than the alternative. “Not healthy would be my life without you in it.” I just had four days of not healthy. Not a fan. I pull her close, crowding her with my arms. “This is where you’re supposed to be. Right here, always with me.” In my arms, on my mouth, a constant on my mind. “Don’t ever kiss another man again, Ava,” I say quietly. “They’ll be locking me away for a long time.”
“You need to stop with the crazy shit,” she orders, looking at me while she feels my face. I’d say her kissing a stranger is crazy. But I know it could be argued that my crazy pushed her to that crazy. So I keep my mouth shut, hoping we can now move forward and spend the rest of the weekend making up for lost time.
“And you need to stop with the defiant shit.” I steal a kiss, smiling when she scoffs.
“Never.” Her arms come around my shoulders, her legs straddling my thighs.
And there is that first dash of contact. I inhale, feeling her heat on me as I snake an arm around her hips and lift her, while she kisses me wildly, obviously keen to get on with making up for that time too.
“I’ve missed you,” she mumbles, her tongue frantic in my mouth. It’s my undoing.