Page 32 of This Woman Forever
She doesn’t answer. It’s hardly reassuring.
I sigh. “Have you seen Ava?”
A shake of her head.
“You’re looking for Ava?” Pete approaches, coming up the steps, an empty tray of champagne flutes lying across his palm. “I saw her leave out the glass doors at the back.”
“Thanks, Pete.” I don’t go back through The Manor but instead take the steps down to the driveway and circle round the side, jogging past the garages. I see a speck of white in the distance and breathe out my relief, crossing the lawn to the woodland at the bottom of the gardens.
She’s sitting on a trunk, and as I get closer, I hear her quiet, suppressed sobs. “Fuck,” I whisper, mentally beating myself up. I made my wife cry on her wedding day. What kind of arsehole am I?
Her shoulder blades pull in. She’s sensed me close by.
“I know you’re there,” she says.
“I know you do.” I circle the trunk and lower my arse next to her. She won’t look at me, but watches my hands playing nervously. How do I fix this mess? Pull it back?
“Isn’t it funny,” she says quietly, “how we’re so in touch with each other, yet you sit here now and you don’t know what to say to me.”
I sigh and move closer, touching her leg, at a loss for what to say.
“So he touches me,” she whispers, looking down at my hand.
“He loves you,” I reply quietly. “He wishes he could eliminate the past that’s hurting you.”
“Then why did you see her?” she asks, looking at me. I hate the glaze of affliction in her eyes. “On our wedding day, when you vowed to have me by your side all day, why did you desert me to see her?”
Because I’m an idiot. I should have been transparent with Ava and taken her with me to send Coral on her way. United. Fuck, why the hell do I always make the wrong choice? “I couldn’t leave her at the gates with guests arriving, Ava.” I’m not passing the blame to John. I would have done what he did.
“So tell her to go away.”
“And cause a scene?”
She bites at her lip, thinking. “What did she want?” She’s asking questions she knows the answers to. “Did she know we were getting married today?”
Except that one. “Yes, she knew.”
“And she still came?” she asks, shocked, perhaps now comprehending the determination of these women. “Was she hoping to stop it?” She’s almost laughing. Yes, laugh, because it’s fucking laughable. “Was she going to barge through the summer room doors and declare that we shouldn’t be joined in holy matrimony?”
Truth is, I wouldn’t put it past Coral. “I don’t know, Ava.”
“When did you speak to her?”
“She’s been calling and turning up at The Manor.” Do I mention the call this morning? Be specific? “I’ve told her repeatedly I’m not helping her. I’ve told her there are no feelings. I’m not sure what else I can do, Ava.”
“What’s your definition of an affair?” she fires quickly, catching me off guard.
“What do you mean?” Jesus, we’re not here again, are we? We’ve been over this. Ava thinks I had an affair with Coral, I think I didn’t. But I’m not about to devalue her views or feelings on this. I have no right.
“I mean, she’s in love with you, and you’ve said it was only sex. It was obviously more to her.”
“Baby, I’ve told you before, just sex.” She has to hear me. “They always wanted more, but I never gave them any reason to expect it. Never.” But no matter how cold I was, no matter how detached, they always came back.
She looks away, hurt. “I don’t want you to see her again.”
“I won’t.” She ordered it, and I will listen. “I’ve no need to.” God, she looks so tired. I can relate. If only she would relent and allow me to take her on a holiday. Take us away.
“I’ve had enough of my wedding. I’d like to leave.”