Page 274 of This Woman Forever

I look back at Ava. She looks so sleepy. She nods, and I bite at my lip to stop it trembling. Fuck.

You’re going to have a girl, Daddy.

“Maddie,” I say quietly, my voice tight, as I watch Ava stroke her head. She smiles softly at me, nodding to my boy in my arms. I look down at his head, stroking over the fine hairs. Dark blond hair.

You better name the boy after me.

I breathe in, my chest expanding, my boy rising with it. “And this is Jacob.” I rest my lips on his head and breathe him into me. “After my brother.”

Peaceful.

This isn’t real.

But as I look up into my wife’s eyes, my unbelievable reality sinks in.

And the tears come again.

Do I deserve this?

Yes.

Yes, I do.

Three Years Later...

The water sparkles under the spring sunshine, like millions of diamonds are floating on the surface of the lake, the ducks weaving through the water with grace and efficiency. Everything seems so vividly clear. The blades of grass. The detailed patterns of bark on the trees. The faces of the people around me. I can smell the spring air. Every sense is heightened.

It’s seven thirty. What am I doing here? I’m sitting. I look beside me to the wood. I’m on a bench? Glancing around, I see runners, walkers, strollers, dog-walkers. The park is busy, as you would expect on a beautiful spring evening. But, again, what the hell am I doing here? I rise to my feet, noticing I’m wearing a suit.

A suit. I haven’t worn a suit since I sold The Manor. No need for any armor anymore.

Weird.

I dip into my pocket to get my keys. No keys. I pat my body down. No keys, no phone. “The fuck?” I breathe, circling on the spot, trying to pull anything from my brain that would explain why the fuck I’m in St James’s Park. Alone. With no keys and no phone.

In a suit.

I still for a moment, thinking, memories floating on the edge of my mind. I breathe in when a shooting pain hits my stomach, and I pull my suit jacket back, my heart missing too many beats. I look down at my shirt.

White.

No blood, no knife.

What’s going on? I take a few steps on the path and come to a sharp stop when something down by the water catches my eye. “What?” I whisper, rushing toward the railings that keep people away from the edge of the lake. I take hold of the top, eyes unwavering from the side of the water, and kick my leg over. I walk down to the edge, my eyes burning, not daring to blink, watching as her little chubby hands fumble with the bag of bird seed. The bag splits, and the seed scatters at her feet.

“Oopsie daisy,” I whisper, my heart climbing up into my throat.

She spots me, her green eyes widening. “Daddy!” And she runs my way.

I breathe in sharply, searching for the invisible wall, waiting for her to crash into it. “Rosie, no!”

She doesn’t.

She throws herself at me, and I catch her, amazed, feeling the impact of our bodies coming together. The force robs me of every bit of air in my lungs. Her little backside rests on my forearm, her thighs wrapped around my torso. Then her palms slap against my cheeks and squeeze. “Oopsie daisy,” she says, giggling.

I’m rendered stupid, just staring into her green eyes, taking in her dark blond hair. She’s wearing her little pink T-shirt with a rainbow heart on. The last thing she was wearing when Carmichael carried her away from me. “Hey, baby girl,” I whisper over the lump wedged in my throat.

She laughs, pointing to the water. “Quack, quack, Daddy.”