Page 252 of This Woman Forever
I still, not that I’m actually moving, and listen. Did she say my name? Ava?
There’s suddenly a pressure on my shoulders, and my upper body is moving. Fuck, that’s agony, the pain starting at my neck and radiating down to my toes.
“Jesse?” Ava cries.
Beep!
“Jesse?”
Beep!
My whole body starts shaking involuntarily, and I can’t fucking stop it. What the hell is she doing, trying to kill me? Stop, Ava. The pain is excruciating. As is the noise.
“Too... loud.”
“Jesse?” she gasps.
“What?” My arm suddenly has life, moving up, my body going into protection mode, trying to block the pain and noise. I hold my head, feeling like it could fall off.
“Open your eyes,” she shouts. Fuck, why all the shouting? She’s panicking. I don’t need panic, I need calm.
“No,” I grunt. “It fucking... hurts.”
“Oh God.” Her words are a desperate gasp. “Try.” A plea.
If it will quieten her down, I’ll do anything. My face bunches, my eyes squeezed so tightly shut, that’s causing pain too. Relax. I let the tiniest bit of light past my lids, trying to get used to the invasion again. “Fucking hell,” I mumble, not only because I’m in fucking agony here. The sight of her through my grainy vision shocks me. Her face is blotchy, her hair matted, her eyes sunken. Jesus Christ, she’s not been looking after herself. Why has no one force-fed her? She’s wasting away. God damn it, I want to enforce some rules, but I can’t fucking move.
On a wracked sob, Ava comes at me, and I don’t have the time or capacity to stop her. My eyes are suddenly wide open as she smothers my face with her lips. Pain. Shit, aren’t they giving me anything to help with that?
“Sorry,” she screeches, breaking away.
“Fucking hell, Ava.” I don’t recognize my voice. I try swallowing, the scratch painful too. Everything’s painful. I succumb to it and let my heavy lids fall again.
“Open your eyes.”
Fuck me.
I drag them open. “Then stop inflicting fucking . . . pain on me, woman.”
Her lip wobbles, her red nose sniveling. “I thought I’d lost you.” She hides her face in her hands, her body quaking with the force of her sobs, and there’s nothing I can do to comfort her.
“Baby,” I breathe, damning my broken body to hell and back. “Please don’t cry... when there’s... fuck all I can do about... it.” I try to turn my torso a little so I can reach for her. “Fucking hell,” I gasp, holding my breath, tensing. “Fuck.” No, not happening.
“Stop moving,” she says, stern.
Fine by me. God, what day is it? How long have I been here? I fight past the fog, trying to recall... anything. I feel like I’ve been pulsing in and out of an alternate universe, reliving each day, forgetting it, starting again. Right now, I can’t remember a damn thing.
I lift my arm and look down at the line into it. Glance around the room. That’s right. I’m in hospital. Half dead because?—
The onslaught of memories hit me again, the scene from the kitchen ready for another replay. “She hurt you.” I instinctively try to sit up, and I pay for it, the pain diabolically intense, but my panic is fiercer. Fuck. “The babies.”
“We’re okay.” Ava is soon standing over me, working against me. “Jesse, we’re all okay.” She doesn’t let me win, forcing me to the bed. “Lie down.”
“You’re okay?” I ask, reaching for her tired face. She doesn’t look okay. She looks wrecked. “Please tell me you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“And the babies?”