Page 248 of This Woman Forever

They’re gone.

And my heart breaks all over again.

48

It’s the strangest feeling. I can’t open my eyes, can’t talk, can’t feel, can’t move a fucking muscle. I’ve tried. Endlessly. I’m trapped in a body that’s refusing to work.

But I can hear. I can’t respond, but I can hear, and I can think. I’m not in a good way, I know that. I’ve heard the lowdown, the details of my surgery, what everyone’s expectations are. It’s a waiting game for them. For me, it’s just a matter of when I have the strength to open my fucking eyes. It’s not your time, Jesse.

“Wake up,” I hear Ava say for the thousandth time.

I’m trying, baby.

“You stubborn man.”

You have a nerve, Ava Ward.

“Why won’t he wake up, Mum?”

“He’s healing, darling. He needs to heal.”

Oh great. My adorable mother-in-law is in town. I might just stay exactly where I am, silent and still, until she fucks off.

“It’s been too long. I need him to wake up. I miss him.” The bed jolts beneath me, and then I hear her cries.

No, baby, no more tears. I can’t stand it.

“Oh, Ava, darling, you need to eat,” Elizabeth says.

Yes, she does. Someone, feed this woman immediately.

“I’m not hungry,” Ava snaps.

Give me strength.

“I’m making a list of your disobediences, and I’ll be telling Jesse about each and every one of them when he comes round.”

No need, Elizabeth. I’ve made my own notes, and I can tell you your daughter is lined up to receive twelve Sense Fucks, eight Retribution Fucks, and five Apology Fucks. I’d leave town if I were you.

“Beatrice and Henry have just arrived, darling.”

What the fuck? My mum and dad?

“Can they come in?”

No, don’t let them in. Don’t let them see me like this. Jesus fucking Christ, I’m not at full strength. I can’t take that kind of stress.

Make amends.

What?

“Just for a few minutes,” Ava says, and a few moments later, the atmosphere shifts. Tense. And I can’t escape it. Can’t move. Can’t hide.

Can’t drink myself away from the pain.

“How has he been?”

Dad?