Page 146 of This Woman Forever
I breathe out, starting to lose it. “That’s my business address. What time?”
“An hour ago, sir.”
“Well, it ain’t there now.”
“Oh?”
Fuck, I haven’t got time for this shit. I hang up, squeezing my mobile in my hand, thinking. I unclench my hand then dial before I can second guess myself. “I need to speak to the practice manager.”
“I’m afraid she’s busy right now. Can I take a name and number and I’ll have her call you back?”
“You told me that already and she hasn’t called me back.”
“Let me take your details again.”
I take in air. Breathe. “Jesse Ward,” I say, this time giving her my real name, thanking her for her help despite my ready-to-burst frustration.
John pulls up, slipping out of his Range Rover with two coffees. “Who was that?” he asks.
“A surgery in Aberdeen.”
He passes me the caffeine. I could do with something stronger. “Why are you calling a surgery in Aberdeen?”
I don’t hold back. I’m out of strength. “Because that’s where Lauren’s dad works or worked.”
The falter in his expression is telling. “Is this something to do with you seeing her?” he asks, so normally. Sarah. Did she tell him? “Yes.” John answers my silent question, and I scrub a hand down my face. It was probably part of Sarah’s justification process, her reasons for needing to save me from my fate with Ava. Ava’s making me crazy. No. My past is making me crazy.
I laugh to myself, sipping my coffee. “I know it wasn’t her,” I say. “One woman I fucking chased so I could be sure of it.”
“But you needed to check?”
“It would settle me to know where she is, yes.”
“Still locked up, I expect. But we’ll find out for sure.”
I nod, smiling my thanks. No judgments. John knows I’ve been straddling stable and unhinged for a while now. Like... since I met Ava. “The dealership said my car’s at The Manor.”
He snorts, and we both sit, silent for a while, until John breaks it. “Are you going to sort this shit out?”
“Which shit?” I ask on a smile.
“A car can be replaced,” he says, as serious as John can be. Which is deadly serious. “A human can’t.”
I flinch, swallowing, staring at the concrete beneath my boots. So true. Ava doesn’t know my truths... but does she really loathe the idea of being my child’s mother so much that she’d destroy it? At least that explains why she was so distraught when she finally confessed she was pregnant. Guilt. She hadn’t wanted me to know. And yes, I see the irony—she hid something from me. But it hurts. I just didn’t see that coming. Not from Ava. “I feel let down, John,” I admit, whether I have the right to feel that way or not. It’s how I feel, and I can’t help it.
“If she knew about Rosie, maybe things would have been different.”
Maybe. Or maybe she would have run. Or, worse, gone through with it. I look at John, smiling through my tight lips. “Jake said the same thing this morning.”
I expect him to whip out a straitjacket and bundle me into the back of his motor. But instead, surprising me, he chuckles. Like it’s funny that I’m having merry old chitchats with my dead brother. I won’t mention my daughter. Even I know that’s pushing the boundaries of acceptable levels of crazy.
“You need to get in touch with the police,” John says. “Sounds like the tracker’s been deactivated.”
“What about the CCTV?”
“I haven’t checked yet. I jumped straight in my car when I heard yours roaring down the driveway. We know the camera by the garage is down, and your car was by the garage.”
“But one of the other external cameras might shine some light.”