Page 13 of This Woman Forever

He starts laughing hard. It’s a deep, rumbling, house-shaking sound, something even rarer than the smiles. I’m a fucking joke. “Jesse, get a grip. How many hours’ sleep have you had? You look like shit.”

“I feel it,” I grumble, chucking the pen across the desk and swiping my palms over my scratchy face. “I didn’t sleep.”

“At all?”

I reveal my face to John and he starts nodding thoughtfully. “I would’ve slept just fine, had I not been dragged away from my wife by her delightful mother.” I lean back in my chair and toss my feet onto my desk, closing my eyes and dragging air into my lungs. My damn heart is clattering, threatening to beat its way from my heaving chest. “Fucking pain in the arse.”

“She’s her mother. As much as I know you’d like to, you can’t keep your girl from her mother.”

“I know,” I say, and doesn’t that suck. I wish I could make everyone disappear, taking Ava away from anything that interferes with our private world of happiness and constant contact. I might just do that. Paradise springs to mind, but I quickly disregard it given the potential of what might find me there. “What time is it?”

“Just gone ten,” John says, as his phone starts shouting from his inside pocket. He pulls it out as he stands and answers with a grunt on his way to the door. “On my way.”

“Who?”

“Nothing for you to worry about.”

I’m not comforted. “You checked up on Sarah?”

He stops and turns questioning eyes onto me. “She’s not taking my calls.”

I nod, damning myself for caring. She’s done nothing but cause me pain and misery. And yet. That’s what fucks with my head. Why do I care? And. Yet. Sarah has been a constant in my life for years, so to suddenly become invisible is... weird. But it was the right decision. For me. For Ava. Even for Sarah.

Enough, Ward. It’s your wedding day. Stay focused.

I pull my laptop over when it dings and see a message from the dealership. I reply, telling them to have Ava’s wedding present delivered to Lusso. “What time is it?” I ask again, despite having my own watch on. And a laptop in front of me.

“Just gone ten.”

I sigh, pushing my laptop away and brushing a hand down my face.

“Bit different to last time, eh?”

I look at John. He was there but not invited. Hovering on the edge of the church grounds with Uncle Carmichael watching as I went through the motions, my moves robotic, my words emotionless, my body soulless.

My heart beats faster and has me rising to my feet, more agitated than ever before. “You mean because I actually want to marry this woman?” I ask as I make my way toward the door, deciding another run is my only option with Elizabeth keeping guard of Ava. I march past John and jog down the corridor.

“Calm down,” John calls. His tone has taken on an edge of concern.

“I’m fine.” I break out into a full sprint before I reach the entrance to The Manor and resist the urge to glance up the stairs as I do. I hear the shout of our wedding planner calling after me, but I keep up my pace, my legs going like pistons as I hit the gravel driveway.

Run.

Just... run.

The sun is warm on my face, the countryside air fresh, but my damn mind is still racing, and now it’s also flooded with painful reminders of my past. Carmichael. Drink. Lauren... A beautiful little blond-haired girl.

Why haven’t you told her about me, Daddy?

I skid to a stop in front of a tree, breathless—and not because of the run. “It’s hurts,” I say to thin air and the rustling trees.

And you’re scared she’ll think you won’t be a good dad?

I take in air, my lungs burning. And that.

I pull back my fist in temper. “Fuck,” I roar, just managing to refrain from burying my hand in the trunk of the tree. My forehead meets the bark instead, the backs of my eyes pricking with old tears.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.