Page 1 of This Woman Forever
1
I look down onto the docks, my hands braced against the balustrade. I can hear Ava and her mother in the kitchen chatting. Everyone else has left after what was a lovely evening on the terrace, a fine meal, a proposal. But Ava’s parents are still here, and I might need to physically escort them out.
“Good view.”
I look over my shoulder and find Joseph on the threshold of the terrace, hands in his pockets. “I can’t say I ever really appreciated it before.”
“Mind if I join you?”
I smile mildly to myself. “Sure.” I can’t claim to know Joseph particularly well, but I do know he’s a man of few words and each one carries weight. I hear him approach and see him in my peripheral vision, joining me to look out across the city. The black sky is illuminated with windows of yellow lights. The moonlight is bouncing off the water. It really is spectacular.
“They’re talking about dresses and décor,” he says, rolling his eyes when I look at him. “Well, Elizabeth is doing most of the talking.”
I laugh under my breath. I can imagine. But she’s wasting her time. By tomorrow evening, everything will be in place. “Thanks for coming all this way.”
“Thanks for hosting us.”
“No problem,” I answer, and a lingering silence falls, not particularly uncomfortable but definitely loud. So I break it. “Is something on your mind, Joseph?” I ask, and this time it’s him laughing under his breath.
“Is it obvious?”
“Well, I know you didn’t come out here to join me in a romantic moment to take in the view.” I face him, showing him I’m ready to tackle whatever he’s going to hit me with. “Please, speak freely.”
He nods, mirroring me, looking back at the doors into the penthouse, where his wife and daughter are, before giving me his eyes. “Is Ava okay?”
I can’t hide my recoil. I wasn’t expecting that question. Can’t they see she’s fine? That I’m looking after her? Always will. “Is she okay?” I parrot, hoping he’ll elaborate.
“She seems a little... distracted.”
I can still hear Elizabeth rabbiting on about God knows what. Distracted. “I think she’s a little overwhelmed,” I say quietly.
“And pale.”
I shoot my eyes to Joseph. What the hell do I say? Tell him she’s ignoring all the signs that she’s pregnant?
But is she pregnant? The doctor said she wasn’t. He also said it may be too early to tell. There’s a box full of pregnancy tests hidden in the laundry room that could answer the question once and for all. Or her imminent period will. I’ve done the mental math. She’s due in a couple of weeks. Can I wait that long to know beyond doubt? Ava’s insisting on condoms. She’s also asked me outright what I’ve been doing with her pills. So she knows of my sins. Or, at least, that one.
And yet she still agreed to marry me. Fuck, I’m so fucking confused by all of these mixed messages. Distracted. Her father has noticed. “I’ll keep an eye on her,” I say quietly, wondering how I’ll handle this. Delicately is that answer. Problem is, I’m Jesse Ward. Not exactly known for a soft approach. I do try, though. I fail, but I try. I can’t fail this time. I clear my throat. “Do you have my number, Joseph?” I ask, pulling out my mobile, prompting him to get his. “I’m sure she’s fine.”
“I’m sure,” he says, albeit with hesitance he can’t hide.
Fuck, is he doubting me? Has Ava’s brother been pouring poison in his ear? “I’ll look after her,” I say, not for the first time, trying to squash any lingering reservations Joseph may have about the man his daughter’s marrying, regardless of the fact that he should be bursting with reservations. Fuck it all to hell. My perfect evening feels like it’s slipping down the pan, Joseph’s doubts unearthing my own. Has Ava changed her mind about marrying me? Did she say yes out of ease or embarrassment?
Joseph nods mildly, checking the doors to the penthouse again. He’s got more to say. He just doesn’t know how to say it without offending me. “The drink,” he asks.
I fight with everything I have not to visibly tense. “I don’t drink.”
“But you did.”
Fuck Matt, and fuck Ava’s brother. “I have in the past, yes.”
“And now you don’t?”
“It doesn’t agree with me,” I say, feeling like a complete tool. “I mean...” I exhale, raking a hand through my hair, wincing at the feel of the tender, damaged skin on my back rubbing against my shirt. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Joseph. Some people can drink and get a buzz. I don’t like the effect alcohol has on me, so I don’t drink it.”
“Because Matt?—”
“Told you I’m a raving alcoholic, I know.” I look out at the view again, struggling with this conversation, and really struggling not to tell Ava’s father where to go. Can’t do that. Besides, I like the guy, and everything coming at me now is a lot less than what I would throw if I was in his shoes. Will I ever be in his shoes? I flinch, squeezing my eyes shut, seeing Rosy in the haze of my regrets. Except she’s not a toddler. She’s a young woman. Reminding me I had a chance to be in Joseph’s shoes.