Page 57 of Queen of Misfortune (Shadows of Redemption)

I sink on the edge of the bed as I realize that's what hurts the most. Donovan is only doing this to protect the Family. It isn't because he feels anything for me. It’s why I've been avoiding him after our sexual encounter. It's easier to ignore these crazy feelings I have when I'm around him if I don't see him.

She pushes the box Donovan left on the bed back and sits next to me. "If you do this, you can stay, and you will be safe. Besides, Donovan might be a jokester and rough around the edges, but he's a good person. Like Giuseppe was."

I look at her, and as much as I love her, I don't understand why she doesn't see the pain this causes me. "What about love, Elena?"

She looks down, and I think she finally understands how difficult this is for me. "I'm being selfish, and I'm sorry. But I need you here with me. To help me with these babies.” She shrugs. “It doesn’t have to be forever. Once Dad is dead, you andDonovan won’t have to be married anymore." She takes my hand and clutches it. "Or maybe by then, you'll be in love."

My mouth gapes again. "What?"

Her eyes soften and at the same time convey a message ofdon't be so dense. "It's no secret that Donovan has a thing for you. And as much as you try to hide it, I suspect you have a thing for him too.”

God, is it that apparent?

“I know I've been much luckier in life than you have, Luce. And I know this is a big sacrifice. I probably shouldn't be asking it. I imagine you would have a lovely life in Italy. But I'm selfishly going to ask again that you stay with me and the twins. Let me help you get dressed so you can get married. And then everything will be back to how it was before. This is a marriage on paper. That’s it."

"How are we supposed to fall in love if we avoid each other and have a marriage that’s just on paper?" I quip to highlight the contradiction of her words.

She leans over so we’re shoulder to shoulder. "I'm sure if you bat your eyes at Donovan, he’ll come running like a little puppy. But don't tell him I said that. He has a reputation to uphold as Nico's fiercest enforcer."

I don't make a decision as much as I give in and take the path of least resistance, which is to open the box and get ready to meet Donovan downstairs in an hour.

Elena helps me, pulling out the dress and holding it up so I can see it. "My gosh, Luce, it’s gorgeous. Look at all that silk."

I arch a brow. "Look at all that lace."

She laughs. "Do you suppose he knows how much you hate lace?"

I slip on the dress and look in the mirror. Elena has an expression on her face that would be normal for a woman helping her sister get ready for a wedding. Me? I feel like I’m onthe verge of a breakdown. Donovan doesn’t want me. As much as I act like he’s a brute, I know deep down, he’s a gentle giant with those he cares for. I can totally see him finding a woman he can love and dote on and who’d not only be a good Mafia wife, but also love and dote on him back. That’s not me. Even if I could act like a good Mafia wife, I know I can’t love him like he deserves. I’m too broken inside. My walls are too thick. My distrust is too high.

“Here, put this on for the trip to the church.” She hands me a shawl.

“Church?”

“It needs to look real.” She gives me a sympathetic smile and pulls out a few items from the pocket of the dress she’s wearing. “Something borrowed.” She hands me a pearl necklace and earrings. “Giuseppe’s are nice, but perhaps they shouldn’t be worn marrying another man. And here…” She blushes as she hands me a light blue garter. “Something blue.”

I must be dreaming. A nightmare. This can’t be happening.

I’m in a haze as she leads me to the bathroom and does my makeup and hair. She’s chatting away like this is my special day. She can’t possibly be so oblivious to my shellshock, so perhaps she’s making the best of a less than great situation.

“You look beautiful, Luce. You always were the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

I turn to her, tears in my eyes. “Beauty isn’t a good thing in our world.”

She grabs a tissue and dabs my eyes. “Dad is the worst in the world. Donovan will make you laugh. That’s worth something, isn’t it?”

I nod because there’s nothing I can say or do. I suppose I should be glad that I know what’s coming. I didn’t have that when my father loaded me on a plane bound for Italy to marry Giuseppe.

She smiles, and I see sympathy in it. Even so, she says, “It’s time to go.”

I follow her out and down to a waiting car in the garage. En route to my wedding, I finally give in. This idea of having any sort of agency over myself is a waste of time. Freedom. Personal power. I’ll never have them. I close my eyes, letting go of hopes and dreams, and instead, I build up the wall I’ll need to survive.

19

DONOVAN

As I pace in the vestibule of the Catholic church, I’m kicking myself for being such an asshole to Lucy. I can face down my enemies in a gunfight, but it’s a hell of a thing to face down a woman who disdains you and then to ask her to marry you. My pride had me being a jerk about it.

“You should be up front,” Niko says, joining me.